Without Spirit Or Cause
by Ignited
Summary: A terrible tragedy hits the Fang Gang, making Angel realize just how much he values the one good thing in his life.
1. The Truth

Title: Without Spirit Or Cause (1/?)  
Author: Stef (Or Ignited. Whatever)   
E-Mail: (ignitedangel@aol.com)   
Category: C/A friendship, definite angst   
Rating: PG-13, for now   
Spoilers: All of Buffy Season 5 and all of Angel Season 2   
Summary: After a tragedy hits the Fang Gang, they try to deal with the aftershocks   
Disclaimer: Angel, Cordy, nor anyone related to the Angel/Buffy verse are mine. They're Joss Whedon's, Mutant Enemy's, Twentieth Century Fox, etc.   
Distribution: Those with permission, and list archives. Others can ask. 

* * *

  
  
**Prologue **

_Cordy: "Look, you don't have to be Joe Stoic about his dying, I mean, I know that you have this 'unflappable' vibe working for you, but you don't have to do that for me." _

_Angel: "I'm not unflappable." _

_Cordy: "Great. So flap! _

_June 28 _

"You seen Angel, yet?" Gunn raised an eyebrow in Wesley's direction as he sat across from Wesley's desk. After receiving a shake of the ex-Watcher's head, Gunn rubbed his eyes, letting out a sigh. 

"He hasn't come out since... I'm worried about him," Wesley mumbled. He looked up from his filing, hair ruffled, glasses off, looking like he hadn't slept in days. 

"I'd be the same way, man. But...I gotta deal." Another sigh. Gunn leaned back in his chair. "Everything's just been bad lately." 

"Yes. But you see Angel feels that he's fully responsible for these occurrences. I tried to have a talk with him, but he doesn't seem to be responding to my wishes." 

"Well, Angel better listen 'cause this is just like what happened a few months ago, right? And if Cordelia was here..." Gunn trailed off, looking at the chair beside him. 

She wasn't there. 

* * *

Standing outside Angel's door, Wesley sighed. Angel had been in there for two days, and it didn't look like he was coming out soon. Not even to eat. 

Wesley tried the doorknob, but it was still locked, as he expected. He listened closely at the door for some signs of life. Yet there was none, as he knew there would be none. 

"Angel? Can you... Can you please - come out?" 

Wesley heard some shuffling, then all was silent. 

"I know this is a hard time for you to deal right now, as it is for all of us. Do not be afraid to come out and - talk. Angel... It's - It's not your fault." 

More silence. 

Giving up, Wesley turned on his heel and went downstairs. 

* * *

"Angel... It's - It's not your fault." 

Angel stood right by his door, listening to his friend's somewhat comforting words. He waited until he heard the last of Wesley's footfalls before leaning against the door. 

So many things had occurred within the past few months. His epiphany, after a night of empty sex with Darla. The Fang Gang's journey to Pylea, and the addition of Fred to their family'. Buffy's... Buffy's death. 

Looking back on the event of empty passion with Darla, the vampire didn't know what he saw in his sire anymore. Darla never really loved him, as she never had a soul. But he'd given up, ready to become one with the darkness that plagued his body and dreams. Angel had no hope left, after realizing that Hell was, in fact, here on Earth. 

He lost his friends. 

He lost her. 

_"Just so we understand each other? You and I? We're not friends." _

His undead heart broke when she said that. But it mended once he saw the look on her face, in her eyes, after he bought he all those clothes to make up for his actions. Slowly, but surely, he was regaining her trust. It would take a while, but Angel knew that he couldn't stay away from her... She was his best friend, after all. 

Angel slid down to the floor, dark and haunted eyes looking about the room. The furniture was in shambles, curtains ripped, dressers overturned. It seemed as if a hurricane had hit this room. 

_Don't say anything. Not a word. _

The vampire took in the sight of this destruction, this chaos he had caused, and from his cramped position on the floor, Angel wept. 

Because it was his fault. 

"It is," Angel rasped. "She's - she's gone... Because of me." 

He could clearly remember the events of two days before, the night especially. 

Because it was the night Cordelia Chase died. 

* * *

_Part 1 _

_Cordy: "Who loves guilt like you love guilt? You know what you need? You need to go to work. We just got an exciting new case: could be aliens could be adultery. It's a corker!" _

_June 26 - 11:58 P.M. _

Angel kept humming an old symphony of Beethoven. It wasn't bad enough that the four of them were traipsing up the seven or so flights of stairs. And not to mention they were also lugging various demon killing equipment. That seemed relatively easy. But bad? No. 

Cordelia chose to wear heels. That was bad. 

Angel now resorted to singing. That was worse. 

"Must you do that?" Cordelia muttered as she clattered up the staircase. The Fang Gang were unhappily cavorting up a seedy apartment building staircase, the sight of her most recent vision. And because of Cordelia's marvelous luck, the fighting and killing had to happen on the roof. Plus, the elevator wasn't working. 

Angel was already enthralled with some low humming of- was that Three Doors Down?- when Cordelia lost her balance, windmilling, about to fall. Angel turned quickly and grabbed her arms, steadying her. 

"What is it? Another vision?" Gunn asked, holding up his battle-axe used for seriously kickin' some ugly demon ass!' 

"No. Heels," Cordelia responded, nodding towards her black shoes. Not exactly appropriate for demon fighting, but those Prada heels looked lovely with her black pants, and short, dark gray top. 

"Yeah, uh, can you point that - somewhere else?" Angel raised an eyebrow, referring to the crossbow Cordy was holding, inadvertently aimed at his chest because of her sudden loss of balance. 

"Sorry." She straightened, continuing up the staircase, while the others followed. 

"Seems pretty quiet t'me," Fred murmured, holding her stake like it was an ice cream cone. She was wearing one of Cordy's simple outfits, a tee shirt and some jeans, since they hadn't exactly had time to go on a shopping spree after the Pylea incident. Cordy just kept having her ever debilitating visions as usual, and Angel's money reserves were already dry from buying Cordelia all those clothes. 

"Shh. Listen." Wesley nodded as they approached the exit door, which led to the roof. Looking like an escapee from medieval England, he raised his sword. "Even I can hear that. Angel, can you..." 

"Already working on it." Angel moved to the front of their small group, head leaning gently against the door. He paused, listening to the hushed whispers outside the door. Giving a glance to his friends, Angel whispered, "Sounds like five. Six of them, maybe. Three... Three humans. They're afraid. I can smell the fear coming from them." 

"Handy skill," Fred supplied, getting a 'shh' from Cordy. 

"Sounds like Kaligar demons to me. They shouldn't be much of a problem." 

"Oh, you mean those big, gray, scaly things I saw in my vision?" 

"Those. Wesley..." 

"All right." Wesley glanced to Gunn, then to Angel, and finally, Cordy and Fred. "We go in on the count of ...three." 

Angel's fingers flexed on his antique sword, while the others also took a step forward. 

"One. Two. - Three!" 

Slamming the door off its hinges, Angel pushed through the shoddy remains, a grim snarl on his game face. The rest of his friends followed through the doorframe, each hefting their own weapons. 

Looking about an empty roof. 

"Um, Angel? Are you sure that because of your old age...you might be going...deaf?" Cordy said, pointing her crossbow at the shadows of the roof. Random garbage and house fixing tools had been strewn about the roof, mixed with a collection of dirt and leaves. The moon shone down like a bright beacon, the only stars in the sky were that of the not so far away office complexes. In the distance, Cordelia could hear the sounds of street life and car horns far below on the ground. A typical night in LA, glamorous setting, but only on the surface. 

"No! I - I heard them here. They were - just..." Confused, Angel looked around. Gunn was already walking a few feet away, checking the shadows behind some air conditioners. Fred moved closer behind Angel, a frown appearing on Cordelia's face. 

Wesley lowered his sword, an eyebrow raised. "Yes, well, they were here, but where are they *now*?" 

"I - don't.... know." 

"Well, maybe Cordelia's right. Maybe you are gettin' deaf." Fred tapped Angel's arm, shrugging. "Ya know, I had a uncle who used to hear things. Very interestin'. Except we all thought–" 

"Shh." 

Angel looked up, four pairs of eyes following his line of sight. A cluster of dark gray robes hung there, up in the sky, nearly two dozen individual bodies could be seen. The moon shining like a beacon in the darkness behind them, the demons turned, bodies suspended in the air like puppets. Their eyes flashed a deep ocean blue, mouths opening to reveal rows and rows of needle sharp teeth. 

Then they fell to the roof. 

"–he..was...crazy." 


	2. The Event

without spirit or cause 

Part 2 

* * *

  
  
_Cordy: "You can't see everything. You're just a vampire like everyone else... That didn't come out right." _

_June 26 – 12:05 p.m. _

Gunn's face slammed into a pile of concrete bricks, wincing from the pain of the Kaligar demon's claws that dug into his lower back. He tried turning, but to no avail, the demon cackling with glee while digging into him. Fumbling for his home made axe, he finally managed to turn on his back, only to witness Angel choking the demon, face contorted in a mask of fury. 

Growling savagely, Angel threw the demon into a cluster nearby, then went down when two more demons jumped on top of him. Meanwhile, Gunn climbed to his feet, taking a brief glance of his surroundings. Angel was busy tearing the crap out of the demons, Wesley already locked in battle, sword raised high, hacking left and right. Cordy and Fred were both trying to hurt the same demon, Fred smacking it with her stake, while Cordy tried using her crossbow. 

"Ohhh! Forget it!" Giving up with putting the bolt in, Cordy used her crossbow like a baseball bat, whacking the demon. 

Gunn couldn't help but feel a touch of pride, witnessing his new 'family' managing to hold their own. But even as another demon lunged for his throat, he knew they were outnumbered. 

They were only five. The demons were well over twenty, contrary to the few Angel heard earlier. 

Everything was a blur, hacking and clawing, the Kaligar demons surrounded the Fang Gang, snapping and reaching for them. Gunn figured they looked like those raptors from that Jurassic Park movie, only much more gray colored and...Their skin was much more sagging. Disgusting, the whole lot. Axe blade biting into creature flesh, Gunn unleashed a war whoop, a sense of triumph which was soon replaced by defeat, swarm after swarm of the demons coming after others fell. 

"Get...off!" Angel roared, struggling when four robed demons restrained him. Angel bared his fangs in frustration, brought to the edge of the roof, with Gunn, Wesley, Cordy and Fred not far behind, all held back. 

"Bring her over here. Now," rasped one demon, its robe black instead of the usual gray. "This one, this one is valued by the creature." 

Angel blinked confused. His view was partially obstructed by the demons surrounding him on all sides. Struggling against their hold on him, he could see a brief flash of a short, white top, then heard Cordelia: "Let go of me!" 

"Cordelia!" Wesley yelled. "Leave her alone!" 

"Cordy! Cordy!" Angel shouted. Finally, those darn demons moved out of the way, letting Angel able to see Gunn, Wesley, and Fred all restrained a few feet away, claws digging into their arms. Then...she was there. Cordelia. Her pretty neck clamped by the lead Kaligar's grubby hand, nails digging into her smooth skin. She was gasping, trying to push it away... 

She couldn't breathe. 

"Help me," Cordelia sobbed. 

"Cordelia, don't worry...I'll - I'll get you!" 

"Creature of the night! Interesting how you care for this weak minded mortal, her value more than your life. A pity really, for your soul. Bringing her and those simple humans to stop our sacrifice will just bring more misery for you. Especially the pain you will feel, remembering what it was like to watch her die," the lead demon acknowledged. With that, he scraped a nail against her cheek, making her cry out in pain. "With disturbance, we can find other ways to suit our needs, to fulfill our sacrifice." 

Her pretty neck made a chilling crack when the demon twisted. 

And then, Angel's world fell apart. He stared in disbelief, at the limp body the demon held in it's vice like grip. Her eyes were open, those beautiful, sparkling eyesunseeing, blank, dead. 

"_NOOO!_" Angel roared, feral yellow eyes wide and uncomprehending. Merely shrugging, the lead demon threw Cordelia's lifeless body over the side of the roof, not even bothering to watch it plummet to the ground. 

A savage cry of anger and fury tore from Angel's throat, the vampire gaining strength from the pain of his undead heart splintering. Her threw the demons off him, roaring with frustration when some tried to restrain him once more. 

"Oooh. Ouch. That's gotta hurt." Fred commented, wincing when she saw Angel literally tear the head off one. If only she knew he made such a preposition to Cordelia concerning one of her commercial directors. 

"Don't look," Wesley instructed, turning away even though tears were stinging at his eyes. Fred turned away, staring to cry meekly. Gunn was shouting and crying at the same time, punching the demon that held him in the face. 

Bring it here! Quickly! The lead demon roared, moving towards a trio of demons. Packed closely together, the trio made their way to the staircase, the lead demon following behind. A cry of pain could be heard from the trio, a distinct cry, as if the demons were pulling someone along between them. If they were, none of the Fang Gang could see, since they were already busy. Especially the now pissed off Angel. 

Another time, Angelus! The lead demon called, motioning to two other demons to attack the vampire. 

Angel growled furiously, tearing one Kaligar's arm out of its socket, making the creature howl pitifully. Angel then used the arm to wrench into another's stomach, twisting it with the manic glee of Angelus. Baring his fangs, he continued fighting the mob, oblivious to the pain they were inflicting. The only pain he felt was his soul being ripped apart. 

It wasn't like his curse was being lifted. There wasn't any need to worry about him becoming Angelus once more. But the pain the pain from losing her, was almost as unbearable as the guilt he suffered when regaining his soul for the first time. 

So it wasn't a surprise when fifteen minutes later, more than half of the demons had been slaughtered brutally. The other half ran. Angel was just finishing up one demon, kneeling on him, slamming his fist repeatedly into the demon's broken maw. Fred came up behind him, putting a shaky hand on his shoulder. 

Angel. It's over, she said softly. 

Angel pulled away, dropping the dead demon. He turned to look at her, and she could see that his face was covered in blood, his own, and the Kaligar demons. Also with tears. His lip curled upwards in a snarl at her, ready to tear into her Then Angel stopped, looking like a lost child, most importantly remembering. 

I _lost_ her, he whispered, then fell to his knees. Fred leaned down, hugging him, trying not to cry. But she did, and so did he, game face showing the true pain and anger and heartbreak. She rocked him in her arms, and Angel shivered and began sobbing. 

Gunn and Wesley came by, both with blank expressions, their eyes red and moist. They stood a couple of feet away from Angel and Fred, staring blankly. 

Let's go, Wesley instructed, but no one moved. 

They didn't feel they could move on yet. 

* * *

During the trip back to the Hotel, Wesley drove Angel's convertible. Gunn sat in passenger seat, staring straight ahead. Angel sat next to Fred in the back seat, something he.. Well, never did. She kept rubbing him on the shoulder, but like a statue, he stared straight ahead, quiet. The four of them didn't say a word until they got back to the Hotel. 

Upon entering, Wesley headed straight for the office. He picked up the phone, and began to dial a number. 

Who're you calling? Gunn asked, hands going into his pockets. He stood in the doorway of the office, looking curiously at Wesley. Fred went inside the office area, sitting down on a wooden chair, hugging her knees. She rocked back and forth quietly. 

I'm calling Giles. I have to tell him And them. He'll tell her family as well, I suppose, Wesley replied. Them being the Scooby Gang, the Sunnydale half of the White Hats. Or evil demon fighters. Whatever, as Cordelia would say. Wesley felt a twinge of sadness, then cleared his throat, hanging up the phone. I let it ring well over ten times. Giles doesn't appear to be home at the moment. Maybe Angel could pay a visit himself 

Wesley trailed off. He turned his head, seeing an Angel-less lobby. Looking to Gunn, the young black man nodded to the staircase. 

I think he went up to his room, Gunn said. 

Nodding in response, Wesley sighed, leaning against his desk. I think the best thing we can do is leave Angel alone right now. I would like to talk to him, but we'll have to wait until he's ready. 

Meanwhile, Angel walked quietly into his room, closing the door behind him. 

_Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best! _

He took his jacket off, letting it drop to the floor. 

_So, you did this, instead? _

_I love you. _

The vampire sat down on the edge of his bed. 

_If anything happens to Cordelia because of me– _

_Nothing's gonna happen to Cordelia. I won't allow it. _

Angel stared at his hands, slumped forward from his seat on the edge of the bed. Capable of causing so much misery and horror and torture to others, yet he failed. His deal was saving people, giving them a hand, showing them their way. Yet he couldn't save Doyle when he died, and now He couldn't save her. Cordelia. 

The girl who withstood all of his troubles and issues'. She had proudly gone on after Angel had fired her, the girl who did not have to com-shuk any demon in Pylea. She understood him, accepted him for what and who he was. Out of all of his current friends, he'd known her the longest. And cared about her the most. 

Sure, it was a brotherly love at first, making sure she didn't get hurt or in trouble. But when she came back to him Then disappeared to Pylea, Angel felt something of his being, his soul was missing. It was her. Angel loved her. He'd never admit it to her face, for fear of negative comments in return but Angel figured he could've taken that over not having to speak to her again. 

To listen to her sigh, to smile at her laughing, to hear her complaints. 

_She's gone. Cordelia needed me. I couldn't protect her._

_That was basically it._

_So what am I good for, anyway?_

Nothing. All for nothing, Angel mumbled. Without bothering to touch his face, he knew he was in vamp mode. Angel stood up, taking a few steps forward, pain etched in cruel yellow eyes. He leaned against the wall, bracing himself with his hands. I couldn't even save her. I was there And I didn't do anything! 

With a roar of anger, Angel slammed the wall with his palms, leaving cracked holes. He kicked the chair nearby, splintering the wooden antique. Growling savagely, he overturned his bed with a mighty heave, eyes wild and dangerous. Breaking glass, wood, concrete Angel kept breaking the furniture around him, forgetting that his hands were bleeding from shards of glass, his dark shirt ripped 

Even as the blood ran down his chest, he continued fighting the invisible demon in his room, in his mind. To an observer, the vampire would appear to be insane, but in his mind's eye, Angel could see the demon clearly. 

He was fighting himself. 

_What good are you for? All you've done is create agony and pain. You couldn't even beat Wolfram & Hart. It's no surprise you left her to die. _

Angel slammed a fist into the demon's face', breaking a chair. I tried to save her! 

_Yes. You could've saved her. You were too absorbed in your own little world to give a crap about her. _

I cared about her. I love I loved her, Angel sighed, staggering into a dresser. 

I tried God, I tried Angel breathed.. Finally, when the demon was gone, his room torn to ribbons, he sank to his knees, and fell on his side. In the middle of the trashed bedroom, the shell that was Angel laid there on his side, a hand covered his face, yelling in pain. Not just emotional, but physical Because without her, his spirit and cause, why was there a reason for him to exist? 

* * *

_"If this *filth* should win - he will ravage - and he will defile her. - He will use her for his pleasure again - and again. - And when she has no more screaming in her - he will *kill* her." _

With a start, Angel woke up. He stared at the ceiling, confused and relived. It was a dream. Only a dream, he repeated to himself, a smile tugging at his lips. A slight breeze went through his room, his naked chest feeling nothing much of it. Angel turned on his side, sighing with content. 

There. Here, with me. 

He ran a finger along Cordelia's cheek, watched a smile appear on her lovely face, her beautiful eyes closed, dreaming. The bedsheet covering her chest, she snuggled closer to Angel, licking her lips a little. Angel smiled appreciatively at her, the girl looking slightly dishiveled, but with rosy cheeks, a sheen of perspiration on her form, results of a night of blissful sex. 

Cordy. Cordelia, you awake? Angel asked softly, knowing the question was redundant. 

I am, now. She yawned, eyes half open. Moving a strand of her hair out of her eyes, Angel then put an arm around her shoulder, hugging her close. 

I just had a nightmare. And normally It's not a big deal since it's very common. But He sighed. Should I tell her, or not? 

Come on, Broody. What's the what? Cordelia traced invisible patterns on his chest. 

We went on a mission. All of us. But only four came back. I – I thought I lost you, he explained, not wanting to relate the grisly facts of her death. 

Ooh. I think you've been watching too many late night horror movies. Except for you that would be like lunch movies. In different senses. Cause people get eaten Sorry. It's early, and I'm cranky. 

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up, Angel said. He shook his head, kissing her forehead. Get some more rest. 

Mmmph. So What happened to me? Cordelia asked, now one eye open. There was a slight tone of apprehension in her voice, making Angel feelbad. 

I don't think I should tell you. 

Why? Was there a major ick' factor? Was it like – Jenny, or something? Cordelia perked up, a devilish grin. 

What? Cordelia, what do you mean, Jenny? _I didn't tell her how Angelus killed her._

Come on. You used to be a bad boy. Bet you had some pretty devious ways of killing people. You know Cutting their heads off Or doing something else Or you could just, well – eat them. 

Oh, come on, Angel! I'm just kidding! Anyway, you're helping people now, so that kind of evens out a little bit of the stuff you've done. 

Did I ever tell you how much I love you? 

Especially when you're quiet. Angel sat up, looking at her. She sat up as well, covering her naked chest with the bedsheet. 

So come on And let's make dear old Angel happy, shall we? Angel reached behind him, picking up one of the pillows. He placed the pillow over Cordelia's face and pushed her down onto the bed, smothering her. Even thought Cordelia was struggling, Angel ignored her completely. Cordelia batted at Angel's arms, uselessly. Slowly, the struggling weakened. Then stopped. Cordelia's arms stopped flailing and her body went limp beneath the pillow. 

Angel could smell the lingering scent of fear and pain that rose from her, dissolving. There we go! Now, I'm happy! He grinned, licking the fangs that now filled his mouth. 

* * *

Angel cried, sitting up suddenly. The handsome face was gone, only the helpless vampire face remained. It felt like ice to him, cold and dead, just like the rest of his body and heart. He was panting from the violent and vivid images fresh in his mind. Frantic, he fell backwards, ignoring the shard of broken window glass that buried itself into his lower back. The pain surfaced, coming over him, blood pouring out, coating the shard strewn floor, but he was oblivious. 

Angel was lost. _I killed her. I killed her._ He repeated those simple three words in his mind. Rolling onto his side, he stared at the pile of rubble and splinters that was once his room. he choked out, then fell into a fitful sleep once more, punctuated by violent acts of pain and tortureand the screams of the girl he had eventually started to love. 

* * *

_The Present _

Angel stared straight ahead, expression deadpan. He shaked himself from his thoughts, trying not to think about such musings. Pangs of heartbreak stabbed at his undead heart. Of course, he could see Cordy everywhere. She was sitting on his bed, listening to him. Standing above him, scolding him. Pacing back and forth, hand pressed to her head, wincing from a vision. 

You'll never know until you've been tested. 

Doyle had said to him, merely minutes before he leaped to disarm the demon killing device, sacrificing himself. 

Thinking it over, Angel managed to get to his feet rather clumsily. The walls The walls were pressing in against him. He could feel the air leak out of the room, could feel the burning ach of his lungs that needed air. Yet since Angel was undead.. This couldn't possibly be real. But the signs, however fake they may be, told him to get out of this room, this haven of memories. 

Angel needed some air. Bending down, he picked up his jacket from the floor, then exited the destroyed room, knowing he had to say good bye. 


	3. The Realization

without spirit or cause 

Part 3 

* * *

  
  
_Cordy: It's gonna be a long while - until you work your way out - but I know you well enough to know you *will*. - And I'll be with you until you do. _

I didn't mean for it to be this way. I didn't want you to get involved Angel sighed. Great. Add talking to yourself on the list of bad mistakes, right after letting Cordy die. He was standing at the scene of the act, the scene where he was inflicted with so much terrible guilt and pain, right where her neck had been snapped, broken. 

Angel stood on the roof, feeling uncomfortable. Wearing black, as usual, but he didn't think it was necessary. _How come I wear black during the not so bad times of my lifeyet the bad times? What I should wear white, the opposite? Then again, I hardly have any other clothes besides black ones._

_That girl really did a number on my head._

Sure, he was rambling inwardly. Yet wasn't it true when most people were preoccupied, or nervous, they did something to pass the time? Some people laughed nervously, others chatted on and on incessantly. So the little monologue was appropriate at the time, because otherwise, the streets might be littered with the dead corpses of demons who annoyed Angel. 

You didn't mean to get thisThe visions. It wasn't like you had any say in it. Doyle gave them to you, but without you knowing. If only If he didn't die, then none of this would happen. You would be alive. 

Maybe. But as long as you keep going on and on about me, I'll always be with you. Remember? Just like I said before. 

Angel turned from his viewpoint of the city below, to see Cordelia standing by him. She was very beautiful, a little pale, he realized. Wearing a white shirt, a long white skirt, a few dark gray clips in her hair. Faintly smiling at him, Cordelia gave a look to the night sky above, then back to him, hands clasped behind her back. 

You're not real, Angel acknowledged, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. He looked down over the edge of the building, eyes snapping shut for a moment. Fighting to keep the tears from coming back again. 

Yeah. I'm not. Butyou've got a lot on your mind. So here's where I come in, Cordelia responded, sitting next to him on the roof ledge. Listen up, Angel. I don't want you blaming yourself– 

I killed you. Don't you see? Angel turned to her, his boot going up on the ledge, leaning against it. I could've saved you. I didn't. I should've told you to stay home, rest from your vision. But I let you come along. My mistake cost you your life. 

You didn't kill me. The Colgate Kal Whatever It wasn't you. 

Angel looked at the ground below once more. He cleared his throat. When I saved you three from those Skilosh demons, I talked to Kate later on. She had just gotten fired from her job, so I started talking to her About life. Things like that. I told her that if - nothing we do matters, - then all that matters is what we do. I guess I didn't really take that to heart. Technically, it isn't even beating, so I don't have a heart. 

Are you even listening to what you're saying? Angel. Listen. Look at me. Cordelia reached forward, holding his chin, turning him to look at her. A pained expression crossed his face. He started to turn away, but she held him in place. Now, the normal, tortured vamp I know He'd investigate this. At least kick some demon ass for me? I have faith in you. I always have. I always will. And you know It's not like I'll leave you. 

What? What do you mean? 

Because you always buy me the right clothes, Angel. 

Then she was gone. 

Huh? 

Clothes? What does clothes have to do with it? Angel looked about the now empty roof. Then again, she did come from my imagination. But how does this– 

_ –"No. Heels," Cordelia responded, nodding towards her black shoes. Angel looked down to her black heels, giving her a once over. She looks great in those clothes I bought her. Black pants, gray top– _

_ –"With disturbance, we can find other ways to suit our needs, to fufill our sacrifice."– _

_ –He could see a brief flash of a short, white top, then heard Cordelia: "Let ME GO!" She was hanging in the air, pants clad in dark gray material, gasping for breath– _

She wasn't wearing the same clothes. Not the same clothes! Of course! Angel exclaimed, eyes wide. With that, he rushed back to the splintered door frame which he burst into two days earlier, rushing downstairs. Barely a shred of hope, which clung to the memory of her horrible death, an event he would try to reverse. And so he ran. 

A few minutes later, Angel got to the bottom of the apartment building. Before running off blindly towards his convertible, he stopped. Think. Think. I need something else to support this. I can't just go with that 

Taking a breath– not out of necessity, just habit– he slipped his hands into his jacket pockets. Angel walked over to the side of the building, craning his head back to see the roof. Where so far above, his Cordy's neck had been snapped, her body thrown carelessly over the side like discarded trash. 

Staring at the abandoned area, he looked left and right, then started forward, the side of the building dirty and full of trash, stray beer cans clanking down the street with the breeze. An old, ripped magazine's pages flapped lazily against the chain link fence nearby, the stench of rotting trash fresh in his nostrils. 

Only that smell. Nothing else. 

Making a quick judge on his part, Angel moved to a dumpster that was right near the side of the building. The lid was closed, some festering garbage hanging out. Making a face, Angel opened the dumpster, bracing himself. 

All he saw were overflowing bags of garbage and bound cardboard. 

_If there was a dead body here, it would start to rot. There isn't._

Letting the lid gently slam shut, Angel turned around. Back to square one. About to head to his car, he stopped, looking at a dark stain on the floor. A familiar one, since he had caused so many stains by ripping into people's throats hundreds of times. But besides that one big splattering of blood, other little stains trailed after it, footprints dissapearing into an alley. 

Angel bent down, looking at the blood, smelling it. To himself, he murmured, That's not her blood 

* * *

_Cordy: You have to change the way you've been doing things. Don't you see where this is taking you? _

Fred flipped another page of the 2001 annual almanac Wesley had bought for her. _Wow. Lot of things have changed since I've been gone. _She kept getting that feeling lately. It made sense, since she'd been gone for five years, butstill, it was unnerving to be out of the loop. Also, the way people were actually being nice to her, no demons ordering her around. 

She sighed a little, eyes scanning the page. Angel.. _He's such a great guy. Takin' care of me, makin' sure I'm okay. Wesley And – and Gunn, they're just spiffy too. Cordy.. Now she's um, gone But before she went, I'm happy to have known her. She was so nice to me, not the way I expected her to be. I thought she just might be one of those – those popular girls, the ones that never really liked me._

_She's not. Cordy's nice and caring. Well she was._

Just then, Angel burst into the office, heading straight towards the bookcase. Startled, Fred blinked, snapping the book shut. She raised an eyebrow as Angel took various books off the shelves, glancing at the bindings, then throwing them on the desk. 

Hi, Fred. Angel muttered, not bothering to look up. He didn't even bother to take his jacket off, flipping through the pages of one book, then glancing at another one. Curious about his sudden interest in demon lore, Fred leaned forward over the desk, looking at the titles of some of the books. Resurrections. Afflictions. Transformations and Similar Phenomena. Glamours. 

Angel? Don't tell me you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do. Cause you can't. 

What do you think I'm going to do, Fred, huh? Angel slammed a palm on the desk, making her jump. He glared at her. Come on! Tell me. I don't even know what I'll do myself. 

You can't bring her back Angel. Wesley talked to me about stuff like that when you were upstairs. Even if you do, she's not gonna be the same Cordy. 

I – It-It's just– Angel sighed deeply. He rubbed his temples. I'm sorry. I have an idea, but I'll just have to do some research, first. 

Fred, have you been catching up with the almana– Angel. I didn't know you left your room, Wesley said, standing in the doorway. He looked like he'd just been out, judging from the jacket he was wearing, the pained expression still there. 

Hey Wes. Again, the vampire didn't look up, broad shoulders bending down to read the scrawled handwriting in a dusty, leather bound book. 

Trying to catch up on some reading, eh? Well, it's best to try and occupy yourself. Get .. other things off your mind, Wesley said lamely. Even Fred could tell he was trying to cheer Angel up, of which she didn't blame him. She didn't know how to deal with it Cordy's death hadn't seemed to hit her full force yet. 

Uh huh. 

Now let's Good God man, you cannot possibly 

_One point for Wesley on book observation_, Fred thought. She stood up, holding her book in front of her, chewing her lip. _And now..here comes the yellin'._

It's not what you think. 

Angel, you have to accept that Cordelia is, in fact, dead. I know you may feel very much in pain right now, as we all are, but doing something this drastic and possibly dangerous will not get you anywhere. Besides that, even if you do bring her back from the dead– 

She's not dead, Wesley. 

–you cannot know whether she'll be the same Cordelia or not! Listen to yourself, Angel! Don't go on another crusade again. All you'll do is get hurt. 

God damn it, Wesley! Angel threw his book down violently, pages fluttering like a crashing bird. Fred scratched the itchy feeling on her arm, noticing Angel went all grr', baring his fangs in frustration. 

Angel, listen to me– 

I'm sick and tired of listening to you! You know what happened two days ago? Cordelia died. She died. Because of me! I should've just let her stay home and rest from her vision. But I agreed to let her come along. And now, I'm paying for my mistake. I'm not gonna let this thing rest. Now if you're going to help me, then help. If not, I'll do it alone! 

I don't think this is a good idea. 

Then you know what? _I quit_. 

What?! Angel, haven't you had a sense of déjà vu? You cannot repeat the same mistakes over and over again! 

Not listening He looked back at the books. 

Angel, maybe you should listen Wes is right 

Fred. Don't. 

Wesley sighed. Then began in a cold, serious voice If you resurrect her, she will not be the same. She's dead, Angel. Just leave it be. 

You're not my boss. Angel straightened, still in game face, glaring at him coldly. I've already lost the girl I would give my life up for. You try to get in my way, and you know I'll stop you. 

Wesley glared back. He stepped aside, arms folded across his chest, looking tired, beaten. Angel walked past him. A dead silence filled the room, only broken twice. One when Angel slammed the entrance door shut behind him, and again when his tires spun out onto the road. 

* * *

_Cordy: Hi Doyle. Are you gonna become loser pining guy, like, full time? 'Cuz we already have one of those around the office. _

_Angel: _

_Doyle: _

_Cordy: He can get away with it. He's tall, and look at the way clothes hang on him. But you... _

No, I can't forget this eveningOr your face as you were leaving. But I guess that's just the way the story goesYou always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows. Yes, it shows, Angel sang, clutching the microphone so tightly, Lorne was afraid he was going to break it. 

And after all, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Rockin' appeared to be drunk. Meaning he could break things. Other than the drunk factor? Sadness as well. 

No, I can't forget tomorrow. When I think of all my sorrow. When I had you there but then I let you go A-And now it's only fair that I should let you know. What you should know 

Oooh. Major heartbreak. Lorne winced at the assault of vibes Angel was giving off. Poor brown eyes. Poor Angelcakes. 

I can't live if living is without you. I can't live, I- I _can't_ give any more. I CAN'T LIIIIVVVVE, IF LIVING IS WITHOUT YOU I CAN'T GIVE, I CAN'T GIVE ANY MORE 

Again with the ouchies. Angel was doing the whole act between staggering with the microphone, and clutching it like a lost child Shaking like a leaf, both crying and singing. 

That girl really did a number on his head. 

Angel trailed off after his sudden outburst of lyrics. He walked off the stage– not in a straight line, mind you– and collapsed into the chair at Lorne's table, hardly aware of the stray clapping from Caritas' demon clientele. 

whaddya get? He slurred. One eye half open, he refilled his empty glass with the bottle of tequila nearby. 

Whoa. Whoa. Let me digest this all here. Might I point out that we've just got a spiffy new supply of O Positive just in? Instead of your sudden little alcohol addiction? Lorne pointed out, gesturing towards Angel who was already nursing his third glass. 

You know what? That's a nice shirt. Wait 

Intoxicated, I see. On a serious note: I'm sorry about Cordelia. Poor girl. But y'know, things happen, Lorne said with a shrug. 

I loved her. Cordelia.Can't you see? I loved my CordyI never got t'tell her. And now she's deadbut she told me something about her...her clothes. The clothes. What about the clothes again? 

Listen ya big goof. You think you can hear straight? She's just fine, Lorne took a sip of his sea breeze, looking at Angel. 

She always looked good in those skirts she wore in the office– What? Angel stopped rambling to himself, an eyebrow raised. 

Cordelia? You know, that pretty young thing you risked all our asses to save from my lovable home world? Well, she's alive. 


	4. The Mirage

without spirit or cause 

Part 4 

* * *

  
  
_Cordy: "Vampires sloth demons you know what's really, really evil? Tequila." _

* 

Okay. Let me try not to throw up. Angel paused, making a face. Squinting, to clear those fuzzies in his head, he continued, Cordelia's alive? 

Yeah huh. You think you might want a couple of pretzels? I can get em for ya. Lorne started to rise from the table, only to sit back down suddenly when Angel grabbed his arm. 

Sit down. Explain. Now, Angel growled. 

I can see somebody's less drunk than the original survey. Off Angel's menacing look, he added, You had a vision, didn't you? 

A vision? No. I'm not the link to the Powers That Be. Cordy was. 

Hey, that little talk you had with her earlier? Another moment of clarity, Angel. I just got this feelin' from you and your take on Nilsson, but I can tell that she's not of the dead. 

In the – the vision, she mentioned something about her clothing. When she died, she wasn't wearing the same outfit. Soit might've not been her? Angel pressed a hand to his head, wincing. _I'm acting like Spike here. Getting drunk is bad. _

Beats me. I'm no Columbo. That's for you to figure out, hon. 

You have to give me.. more than that. What else did you see? Angel's posture straightened slightly from his slouching. 

Lorne sighed. Persistent little scamp, aren't ya? Now, all I could pick up was a warehouse, and something reading Smith Movers. That's it. 

Staring for a couple of seconds, Angel nodded. That's – that's great. 

He stood up, teetering slightly. Wincing once more, Angel muttered, Next time I come in, I'm on your blood offer, all right? Cause I shouldn't drink. 

You and me both, Angel. Now go on. Time's a wastin'. 

* * *

So he just left? Gunn leaned back against the wall. He walked out? You didn't stop him? 

How could I? He looked like he was about to shove my head into the bloody wall! Besides that, he quit, Wesley responded, taking off his glasses. He took out a tissue to wipe his glasses, shaking his head. 

Quit? Aww, no man. Not again. Gunn made a fist, slamming it into his other palm. Why does he have to go and do somethin' like that? 

I don't blame him. It's Cordy, Fred muttered from her seat near the desk. She looked up at Gunn, who gave her a slow nod. 

You're right. I'd probably do something outrageous if I was Angel. 

The quiet girl looked a little lost for a moment, then asked Wesley, "Did you.. Start making funeral arrangements?" 

"Not yet. It's rather hard, since When you took Angel to the car, remember Gunn and I hung back?" After a nod from Fred, he continued, "We went to check up on the area where Cordelia fell, and we didn't find her body." 

Canting her head, Fred raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you tell Angel?" 

"Because I was afraid of what he would think. Those creatures are known for.. consuming the dead And I was afraid of what he would do. Angel believes he can resurrect Cordelia, which isn't exactly a good thing. Resurrections are very tricky, and even if she does come back, who's to know whether she'll be a monster or something of the sort? 

Angel didn't exactly say he was gonna bring her back. He had like.. other books about other things. Fred leaned an elbow against the desk surface. 

Wesley stopped cleaning his glasses. What other things? 

Well, he did have some book on transformations And stuff like that. I don't know what he's up to, though. 

The best thing we can do is just.. wait and– 

Fred jumped as the phone rang. 

Could you pick that up? Wesley put his glasses back on. 

Nodding, Fred picked up the phone. Hello? Oh it's you. We were – What? Oh. Okay. Then she handed the phone to Wesley. It's Angel. 

_I wonder what's on his mind?_ Wesley put the phone to his ear. 

She's in a warehouse down town. Smith Movers Company. I've heard of it before. Angel's voice came from the other end, yet the connection was full of static. 

Are you driving? 

I'm gonna go save her. You in, or not? Last chance, Wesley. 

Angel, I don't think going on a wild goose chase is a good idea. 

Fine. Suit yourself. 

If you would just listen to reason– 

Click. Angel turned off his cell phone. 

The very idea! Wesley hung up the phone in a huff. He turned to look at Gunn, who was giving him a questioning look. 

Angel's located a building where Cordelia may possibly be. He insists she's alive. 

They stayed quiet for a moment. 

Are we going or not? Fred asked. 

I'll get my coat, Wesley said, moving to the coat rack. 

* * *

_"Now we shall see if you are truly cursed, my child. I pray you are not." _

* 

_"Angel.." _

Dark, and rancid, the stench of inhuman flesh rolled over her in waves. Metal digging into her flesh, old wounds screaming with pain. Her head lazily turned to the side, a teary eye opening. 

"Angel." 

She screamed his name at first, then spoke it, whispered, whimpered it after they came towards her, hot pokers digging into her, testing her, because she was 'cursed'. The priests needed to be sure she was the light which shines in the darkness. And yet no matter how much she screamed for help, they didn't care. 

She was, after all, a tool of the Covenant. 

She faintly knew this was different than what happened before, but by then, she drifted, and couldn't remember what she had been thinking about before. 

"Where are" 

Choking back a sob, she blinked, seeing a shadow of a familiar face. Evil, yellow-eyed, vampire face. But shifting, becoming human and handsome. Becoming Angel. 

"A-Angel" 

A look of sadness and surprise crossed his face, mouth opened slightly. He mouthed her name, reaching out towards her. All the while, he kept moving farther away, blending into the shadows with his dark clothing. She cried out for him, in pain, and he shouted back, silent. 

Then he was gone. Everything was quiet once more, and she was alone within the darkness. 

In the distance, someone screamed. 

* * *

_"Angel." _

"What?!" Angel asked, startled. Fortunately, he slowed the car a few seconds before, searching for parking. Unfortunately, because of getting surprised, he swerved the black convertible rather ungracefully before managing to drive within the lines. 

He frowned, pulling the car to a stop inside an abandoned, dank alley. _I must be losing my mind. First that vision, or whatever it was, now this. I'm getting voices in my head. _

Rubbing his temples, Angel got out of the car, surveying his surroundings. A typical bad neighborhood, one filled with gangs and shootouts. All the good residents knew of these crimes, so they stayed indoors late at night, except for the few stragglers walking home after a night out clubbing. 

Angel shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Rushing in blindly would do no good, since he didn't know what he was up against. It might be a whole fleet of them, like before, he thought. 

He opened the trunk of his car, pausing to look inside. Fortunately, he had some extra weapons left there. Even thought there were better weapons back at the Hotel, he didn't need more of Wesley's lecturing. 

_I've had enough. _

Lifting a sword with an ornate sheath, he slipped the sheath underneath his jacket, clipping it to his belt. A few stakes would be all right, even if they're not vampires. But it'll sure hurt like Hell. He reached to get the stakes, then his dark brown eyes lingered on the crossbow there, and suddenly, Angel remembered. 

* * *

_Cordy: "...He'll protect you, catch you when you fall! You can count on it. And you can count on me, because I'm the Dark Avenger." _

_Angel: "I'm the what?" _

_Cordy: "The Dark Avenger." _

_Angel: "I'm the Dark Avenger." _

* 

_One Week Ago _

"Cordy. Pay attention. You're holding it the wrong way. See? No, no. Your hands go here. Not there." 

"You know.. That really doesn't sound right." 

Angel gave his friend a petulant look. He sighed, raising an eyebrow at her. "Do you want to learn how to use this thing, or not?" 

She gave him a sarcastic look in return, eyesight drifting towards the crossbow in her hands. "I already know how to use it," she complained. 

"Oh, really?" 

"Yeah! I mean, I was this close–" she spaced her thumb and index finger close together "–To dusting Spike last year. Well, if it wasn't for the fact that he would've killed me _before_ that happened, but _still!_ I'm pretty handy with this thing!" 

"I know you know how to use it, but at least can't we work on your technique?" Angel folded his arms across his chest. 

"Fine, Mr.Broody Guy!" _Okay, that was lame_, she thought. "You have a real good way of getting me all mixed up, did you know that?" 

"It's what I live for," Angel drawled, leering at her. 

"Pfft." Cordelia straightened her posture, oblivious to the fact that she started to blush. Angel could tell she was nervous, sensing her accelerated heart beat. Oh, the wonders of being a vampire. 

She held the crossbow loosely in front of her, shaking a strand of hair out of her eyes. "Well?" 

He sighed. _How does he do that we he doesn't even breathe? _Cordy watched him walk over to her, moving behind her. He put his pale hands on the undersides of her arms, adjusting them to properly hold the large crossbow. 

She shivered, looking down and back behind her, briefly seeing a flash of his dark black pants and crimson shirt. Then she looked to her front again, swallowing. He was right behind her, leaning down to her, holding her. Not because she had a vision, just because she needed to brush up on her technique. 

That was _all_ they were doing. 

"There Yeah. Like that. Good." Angel's chin was right over her shoulder, and he looked at her face, slightly confused at her furrowed brow. His grip tightened slightly on her arms, hands moving to her elbows. 

"Cordy?" 

She blinked. _Focus, focus. _Cordelia shook her head, frowning. _Stop thinking about ..everything! I have to let Angel teach me; otherwise he'll get all - miffed. And a miffed vamp isn't a good thing. _

_It's just.. Why does he have to hold me like that? He's so close and we– It's not like I'm having a vision. Damn it. Stop it; stop doing this to me! _

He leaned very close to her, his mouth inches away from her ear. "There A little higher. Yeah. That's it." 

She knew that if he could breathe, she'd feel it right nowHe was so close to her, his skin inches away from hers. Such factors stuck out in her mind, making it very, very hard to try and not shoot anything wrong. For one thing, Angel was sometimes oblivious to the fact that he was hot. He just didn't understand it sometimes. Anyway, his fun job at brooding about his past usually got in the way. 

His grip tightened once more on her arms, putting them in the correct crossbow hold. She cleared her throat, letting her now shaky finger pull the trigger, but at the last possible second, she jerked slightly, sending the arrow into a marble column. 

"Wow. One uh, slayed column." Angel raised an eyebrow, then turned Cordy around, and watched the crossbow fall from her limp hands. It clattered to the floor to her side, an echo resounding off the tiled hotel lobby floor. She licked her lips, looking down. As his hands went on her arms, she raised a palm to her forehead. 

"Vision?" Angel asked, concerned. But this time Cordy did not begin to flail about. 

"No." She cleared her throat again, staring at that same spot on Angel's shirt, trying not to let her eyes linger up to his collar, the shirt loosely buttoned as usual, showing some of his pale skin and chest. 

"What's the matter, Cordy? You're shaking." Angel's tone was low. What Is she still suffering from her last vision? Why didn't she tell me? He pulled her closer to him, watched her shake ever so slightly in his embrace. 

"It's just–" She sniffed, wiping her nose. "I can't concentrate." 

"Why not?" 

"I I just can't! Okay?! We can't–" Cordy clamped her mouth shut, pushing away from him. She looked dejected, eyes glancing to the floor, then him. 

Angel stood there, confused, mouth open slightly. 

"I- I have to go." She moved to the small couch where Willow had sat merely a few weeks before, bringing the news of Buffy's death. Cordelia picked up her denim jacket and shoulder bag, moving to the door. 

Angel followed, looking up at her on the small stairs. "Is it something I did?" 

Cordy turned around to look at him, slipping on her jacket and bag. _Aww, don't do it. He's gonna There! He's doing it! Annngeeellll. He's giving me those puppy dog eyes! Argh! _

"It's not you, Angel. It'sme, okay? I have I have an audition," she finished lamely. "Well, I uh, I'm gonna have onetomorrow! So I need to get home and prepare for it." 

"Oh." Angel cleared his throat, glancing down for a beat, then back to her, his hands slipping into his pant pockets. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly. 

"Spur of the moment? I didn't want you worrying about me, when you have other things on your mind." Before he could say anything else, she added, "I really, really have to go. See you tomorrow." 

Without more than a thin smile, she left the Hotel, leaving a confused Angel behind. 

* * *

_Cordy There wasn't any audition, was there? You never talked about it the day after, which isn't like you. You were just.. afraid of me? Something I did? _

"Who am I kidding? It's not like she can tell me," Angel muttered, grabbing a few stakes. He took one more look at the crossbow, then slammed the trunk shut. After slipping the stakes into his jacket pockets, Angel moved to the pavement, starting to walk down the alleyway nearby, senses honed for anything out of the ordinary. 

Just find her, then get out of here with her. Simple as that. 

It occurred to him that Lorne could possibly be wrong, or he could be sending him on another fruitless venture like what happened certain times before. Yet this time, Angel also had a strong feeling, one that came from his gut, and from his soul. If Lorne was wrong, he could handle that, but getting that vision of Cordelia also proved that there was something erratic about the way she died. 

Then again, she might not have died at all. 

Angel craned his head back, seeing the faded spray painted sign of 'Smith Movers Company', an organization he remembered from his time in LA during the 50's. Another moment of feeling old, since the place was no longer the well maintained building of his time in Los Angeles, but now another place of disease and trash which grew like weeds throughout the Los Angeles landscape. 

While Angel was reminiscing, he heard a sound. Eyes focusing, he turned to look at the alley in front of him, hand moving into his pocket for a stake. The tactic of calling out for the 'kitty' would do no good here, but just the same, Angel wished whatever it was to simply come out of hiding. Makes it easier that way. 

"AngelIt's you, isn't it? I kept hoping you'd find me." 

He stopped in his tracks. The stake clattered to the ground, while Angel's eyes opened wide. _It can't be. _

"Come on AngelIt's- It's me." 

Then, she staggered out of one of the many shadows in the alley, holding her side in pain. Getting her bearings, she looked up at him, those beautiful, sparkling eyes that were once dead looked up at him. 

"It's Cora." 

Brow furrowed, Angel looked like he was having trouble standing up. Besides that, looking even more like a lost child who was soon to collapse. Angel moved closer to her, lifting a hand to caress her cheek, feeling her smooth skin beneath his cold fingers. 

"It's you," he whispered. 

"I knew you'd comeYou'd never leave me. Please AngelLet's go home." 

"All right. One thing, first?" 

"Yes, Angel?" 

Faster than the blink of an eye– demon or human– his hand clamped around her neck, shoving her against the wall of the alley, face hardening to reveal the savage vampire within. 

"Now. Let's catch up on old things, shall we?" 


	5. The Hive

without spirit or cause 

Part 5 

* * *

  
  
"Angel! What are you...? Get off! Stop it, Angel, you're hurting me!" She yelped, trying to pry his fingers off her neck. 

"I can't believe this. Do you really think I'm that stupid? That I'd fall for–" He gave her a once over; she could tell he was pleased with what he saw. "–this? You've got to be kidding me." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"First off, the only names you go by are Cordy and Cordelia. No one hardly calls you Cora, not even yourself. Second, you don't smell like her. After a couple years hanging around my Cordelia, I kind of pick these things up." 

Before she could protest, his grip tightened on her throat. 

"Third, by now Cordy would've passed out. But you're not her, are you?" He licked his fangs maliciously, getting a wince from her. 

"Shut up! Let me go you bloodsucking freak! LET GO!" 

"Fourth, Cordy would never call me that. Do you want me to go on? 'Cause in the stealth department, you suck. And lemme tell you, I'm really in the mood for torturing someone right now," Angel growled, slightly hurt by the insult that came from her mouth. 

"Getoff!" 

The vampire sighed. "Well, then I guess we'll just have to repeat the whole fake death thing. Except see, I make sure the person I kill is dead. Y'know, mutilating, maiming, whatever floats my boat." 

'Cordy' quieted. "Let go of me." 

"Give me a reason. I'll break your windpipe. And that's just what I'll do in the next minute! Imagine the pain I can do to you in the next oh, hours?" 

"Fine, fine. Can youstop?" 

"You run, and I'll break your kneecaps." Angel's grip on 'Cordy' loosened, and she fell to the ground, gasping for breath. He stood over her, arms folded in front of his chest. 

"Okay. Spill." His feral yellow eyes narrowed, lip pulled back in a snarl. "What are you?" 

"You already know what I am, vampire." She sat up, rubbing the back of her neck. Her cold gaze on Angel chilled him to the bone, such fury and malice in her eyes. "It's not like we need to play games." 

"You're one of the Kaligar demons. Sent to what, distract me? I'm guessing your kind can change form." 

"Not as dumb as I thought." 

"You know, when I let you go, I didn't exactly say I wouldn't hurt you." 

"Oh but you wouldn't hurt poor Cor-dee-lee-aaa, now would you?" She gave him one of those sad 'Precious Moments' doll looks. "Angel, I'm soso helpless. And I– want you. Do you want to playwith me? Come to - bite me?" 

Angel growled, but didn't make a move. 

The demon laughed. "Turns you on, doesn't it? You vampires are all alike. I knew you had a fancy for her the moment I laid eyes on you. Too bad the dear girl reciprocates. Lovers meant to die." 

"Shut up!" Angel roared, backhanding her across the face. His mind reeled at the sudden digestion of thoughts, but thankfully– well, he thought it was good– he only smacked the demon with some strength. 

_Reciprocates_

The demon wiped its chin, blood on Cordy's mouth. "You like it rough. Huh. Bet you'd like to use a couple of chains on that bit–" 

Angel grabbed the demon by its hair, yanking it up to it's feet. 'Cordy' winced, shouting in pain. Angel's hand clamped over its mouth to block the sound. 

"Who's doing the torturing here? Now after you tell me what I want to know, I'll kill you. Until you do, wellI won't let you die, no matter how much you beg." 

"Wait! Waaaiiit! You can't get in there without me." It nodded to the building. "You need me." 

"For what? I'd rather kill you instead. It's moreWell, fun!" Another lick of those fangs. 

"I can get you in to her. I know where she is." 

"How do I know I can trust you? Besides, just a minute ago, you were pretending to be the girl I – I can't trust you," Angel finished. 

"Look." The demon pulled away from Angel. Its hands went on 'Cordy's' hips. "I don't even like my clan anymore. I was up for the sacrifice." 

"And they threw you over the building" Angel murmured, realizing. 

"Yeah. I went down, but I managed to grab onto a few ledges, slowing me down. I still hit the pavement, but I can survive things like that, not like humans. Including the broken neck thing." She craned her neck back, twisting it a little, stretching. 

"So why the disguise?" 

"They made me change while you weren't lookin'. Said they wanted to cause you pain to see her fall. While you and your little friends weren't looking, they took her away. 'Course, you were busy watching 'her' get killed. The whole thing.. It wasn't about me. Or her. It was about hurting you." 

Angel's vampire face softened, his exceptionally handsome human features rising to the surface. "But you didn't wear the same clothes she did. That's what bugged me. Now what? You're one of the good guys now? Care to join the Justice League?" 

"Oh, please. I just want to see them get their asses kicked. I've heard about you, heck, I even know some female demons that have crushes on you. 'Sides, I don't want my face smashed in." 

Angel raised an eyebrow. "What's your name?" 

"Derox." 

"Figures. Come on, Demon," Angel muttered, grabbing Derox's elbow. He dragged the demon deeper into the alley with him. 

"And..change your form. I can't stand seeing her talk with your words." 

"Aww. Sentimental aren't ya? Oooh, a love sick vampire!" 

A smacking sound echoed. 

"Oww!" 

* * *

"Where's the place?" 

"There! Oh, you're gonna miss the turn!" 

"I got it!" 

Fred gripped onto the edge of her seat. She looked over at Gunn, chewing her lip. His fingers were gripped tightly on the steering wheel of his pick up truck, eyes looking about. 

"You sure you know how to read that thing? Things have changed since the last time you been in LA." Gunn nodded towards the map Fred was holding in her lap. 

"Sure. I'm not - stupid." 

"Oh. 'Cause I figured you intellectual types learn how to read maps upside down." He made a left turn, while Fred sheepishly righted the map. 

"We're not that far off." 

"I don't know why English isn't here." Gunn frowned, continued to drive down the busy Los Angeles street. The lights from a nearby gas station slid over the truck like a snake, basking it in a red and blue glow for a few seconds. 

Fred stayed quiet, looking down at the map. Her finger pointed to a small city block, outlined in red marker. 

'Smith Movers Company' 

* * *

"Cut it out! Let go of me, you big mosquito!" 

"Sure." 

"AHH!" The demon, or Derox as it would like to be called, flew a couple of feet, then fell into a heap near a manhole cover. Murmuring under its breath, it stood up, growling. It looked the same as the rest of those demons, Jurassic Park raptor rejects, except more humanoid. 

Thankfully, it didn't look like Cordy anymore. Angel couldn't stand hurting 'her' again. 

"This is it, right?" Angel stopped gesturing a hand towards the manhole. "The entrance. A couple demons came through here not long ago. I can smell it." 

"Good for you." Derox rubbed the back of it's neck, wincing. 

"It's a trap. Last time my friends and I were outnumbered. And now It'll be hard rushing in alone." 

"Oh. You figured that outnow? She's in there. I'm not lying." 

Angel bent down, lifting the cover easily. He gently placed it on the pavement, a confused yet relieved expression. "You're right. She's down there," he acknowledged, vampiric senses on overdrive. 

"Vampires. Huh. Basically watch dogs, the lot of 'em." Derox rolled deep blue eyes. 

Angel started to lower himself into the sewer, when Derox yelped. 

"You can't go down there, buddy!" 

"Haven't we been through this before? I'm going," Angel growled. "Don't think you can try to stop me." 

"With the odds piled against you at a million to one, I don't think so. You gotta play it smart. Anyway, you're not going looking like that." It pointed a claw at him, then idly touched the silver bracelets hanging around its wrist. 

The vampire raised an eyebrow. "What did you have in mind?" 

* * *

_Cordy: "And this whole 'I'm Angel' thing is a very, very bad idea. I mean, if I thought *that* would work, *I* could've been Angel, because – guess what? Pretty much a girly name." _

* 

"Get up, girl. Move it." 

Silence. 

"Bitch." The demon poked the body lying on the floor of the hastily constructed cell. It turned the body over, staring at the closed eyes, the pained expression. 

"This isn't time for you to be taking a nap." It reached down, shaking her awake. 

"A-Angel?" 

"What makes you think that filth would find you here?" The Kaligar demon pushed her away, while she sat on the cold, dirty floor, back against the slicked stone wall. 

"Two words: Breath. Mint." 

"Sticks and stones. Come on. You have to get ready for what's to come. With the event approaching, there won't be any time for your lover to save you." 

"What? No. Angel - he's not We aren't–" 

"Don't play games with me, girl. It's not wise to lie to my kind. I can smell your affection for him. I'm just surprised the vampire couldn't figure it out sooner." 

Opening her mouth to say something else, she stopped, clamping it shut. She found some comfort by resting her chin on her knees, hugging her legs. Pfft. The demon was evil. What would he know about how she felt about Angel 

Sure, he was hot. Well, not technically, since he was dead. But that would– could change. 

"I did not say it was time for you to get comfortable. Get up!" The guard roared, grabbing and pulling her to her feet. Mr. Raptor Reject latched a bony claw on her arm, making her yelp with pain. He started dragging her out of the cell, and into a dimly lit corridor. What was once a plain business office hallway, was now a festering cave-like passageway, remodeled by the clan of demons. 

"NoNo! No! Let me go! Let me go!" The girl – Cordelia Chase – screamed. 

* * *

"I think this is it." 

"Really? The big sign over there didn't give you that much of a clue?" 

"Well, gee, I'm trying to be – helpful!" 

Gunn sighed, turning his truck off. He slumped in the driver's seat, looking over at Fred. "Sorry. Just ..With all that's goin' on, it's real hectic right now." 

Fred placed the hastily folded map on the dashboard, then turned to Gunn. "Yeah. But if Angel's right, then maybe this'll all get better." 

"Hope so. Damn.. Angel must be feeling pretty crappy 'bout now." 

"Well, didn't he know Cordelia the longest?" After getting a nod from Gunn, she added, "She was like family to him, I guess." 

"Huh. 'Family'. Sometimes I wonder whether it's more than that." 

"Well They are friends. But ..what about that other girl? Buffy?" 

"From what English told me about her, I figured she was Angel's one true love and all. But now that she's dead... Maybe he's moved to greener pastures?" 

Fred opened her mouth to say something, then jumped in her seat, hearing the roar of a motorcycle engine nearby. She got out of the truck with Gunn, who came around to stand by her, the two watching the motorcycle come to a stop, the black clad rider turning it off. 

"I don't know why you gotta do these things, man. Life or death situation here." Gunn jerked his thumb to the warehouse as he proceeded to take out some slaying equipment from the back of the truck. 

The rider– Wesley– took off his helmet. He had a slightly wounded look on his face. "Well Don't you think it kind of makes me look - cool?" 

Gunn rolled his eyes, handing a sword over to Wesley. "When your ego comes back to Earth, maybe we can talk about what we're gonna do?" 

While Gunn and Wesley were bickering, Fred leaned over and yanked a stake out of the back of the truck. The only thing she had learned so far to use. Angel had been busy trying to teach Cordelia to use the crossbow a week before, and he also taught her how to use a stake right after. 

However, instead of his normal, partially broody, okay guy self, he was in 'full blown brood mode' as Cordy would call it. When Fred asked what was wrong, he merely said, "It's just– Nothing's wrong." 

Naturally, she prodded further, and he murmured, "Something about Cordelia. She was acting funny yesterday" He had trailed off, then stood up a bit straighter, showing her the proper way to hold a stake. 

"They must be inside. Not on the ground floor, because that would be too obvious. Perhaps underground, through the sewer tunnels." 

"Great. Now where did I put my sewer safari clothes?" 

"Gunn, once we finish this, and try to get Angel back to his senses, the sooner we can go home." 

"Uh, guys? Isn't that Angel's car over there?" Fred pointed, making Gunn and Wesley turn to look at the convertible parked half a block away, right next to an alley leading up to the warehouse. 

"It's something. Come on." Wesley hefted his sword, starting to walk over to Angel's car. 

"What do we do if we meet up with Angel anyway? Are we going to - ask him to come back nicely?" Fred asked, chewing on her lip, following behind the two young men. 

"I don't think that'll work. Maybe Angel's right Wesley. Think about it. Let's say we take him home, but he misses out on his chance to be the white knight to Cordelia's princess? That won't be good for any of us." 

"I know. That's why we're going to help." Wesley admitted, and they reached Angel's car, each mind filled with numerous musings and questions. 

* * *

"Move!" The Kaligar demon shoved Cordy forward, making her occasionally trip due to the hastily carved corridor. She looked back at him, then walked forward, murmuring under her breath. Even though every instinct in her told her to run and escape, she knew it wasn't possible. Not with the walking razor behind her. She looked up, confused at the number of these creatures swarming in and out of the passageways, all woven underground like a hive. 

_And they're the ants. So where's the queen?_

Cordy faintly thought about Julianne Moore running away from those raptors in Jurassic Park 2 when one aforementioned demon popped out of a passageway, looking uncomfortable. Or what could pass for uncomfortable on the demon's reptilian face. 

The new demon stared in shock at her for a few moments, like she was some celebrity. Cordy raised an eyebrow, looking down at the crude metal handcuffs she had been forced to wear. If only I could figure out how to pick these things like in those old movies. But don't you need a hairpin for that? 

Finally, the demon stopped staring at her, turning to her miffed guard demon. "Uh – They're waiting for her. I'm supposed to take her - to them." 

"I wasn't notified." The guard flexed its claws, looking pissed. 

That's all I need. Get stuck in a small hallway between two walking lawn mowers, fighting to the death. Look out kiddies, or you might get some smooshed Cordy on your feet! 

"Spur of the moment? I - have to take her with me. Because they've - captured a vampire." 

Cordy looked up from her handcuffs, eyes wide. 

"A vampire? Who cares?" 

"They call him - Angel." 

_He's here._

Cordelia sighed. "Ohcrap." 


	6. The Mistake

without spirit or cause 

Part 6 

* * *

  
The guard demon looked at the new arrival with impatience. "Fine. Looks like I'll be on duty. Take her to the preparation room." 

"All right." 

With that, the guard demon slipped into a side corridor, and was gone. _Relieved of taking care of me. Wonder why _Cordy looked after him, a slight smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth, then turned to the new Kaligar, who kept staring at her strangely. 

"What? Never seen a human before?" Cordy snapped, narrowing her eyes. _Where the heck is he?_

"Yes - uh, no. I mean" His voice faltered. "Come on." 

"Great. More pushing me around. How fun." Cordy muttered, starting to go down the passage. The demon followed along, towering over her. 

"I'm not going to hurt you. You've been through enough," it said in a low voice. 

"OhThanks? Not that it's going to make up for your family's big Cordy send off." Her tone was bitter. After being captured, the demons rejoiced in letting her know that her friends- her _family_- thought she was dead. She had cried, but harshly said that they wouldn't fall for it, that Angel and the rest would figure it out. 

Two days passed. Nothing. 

_They really think I'm dead_, she eventually thought, but was too aware of the torturing and pain the demons were giving to her to debate the issue. 

_Except for Angel. That's why he's here. He came to save me._

_And ended up getting captured._

They continued walking in silence. _How long is this hallway, anyway? Feels like a mile. _Cordy started to move closer to the wall, since the passage started to slope downwards, evidence that they were moving farther underground. _So no one can hear you scream._

"So this Angel? Do you know him?" 

"Why do you care?" Cordy asked. 

"Just - curious," He replied, coughing. In a low voice he added, "Since he came unannounced, I thought he was going to get you - uh, out.. or something." 

She looked down at the ground. "Angel. What is there to say about a guy like him? Major hot, tends to wear black a lot, great hair but no people skills?" After laughing a bit lamely, she added, "Wow. Very good description of him." 

"You - you think he's cu- good looking?" The demon tried to look nonchalant. "Does he know how you feel about him?" 

"No! Of course not! I can't tell him that. 'Hi, Angel. I think this can be something more. Maybe it can work. Oh, and the whole used-to-be-an-evil-vamp thing doesn't really matter, because I love you still the same?' I can't say that to him." 

"You can try. Since he cares enough to risk his life - uh, unlife, for you. You should've let him know how you feel a long while ago. Maybe things could've been different. Did you ever think he felt the same way about you?" 

"I don't think he thinks about me like tha-" She stopped talking and walking, turning around to look at the demon. "What is this? A new kind of torture? Twenty Questions? Or some kind of pre-death guilt trip?" She poked the demon's chest with her finger, narrowing her eyes at him. 

Cordelia took a good look at the demon, noticing its eyes weren't blue like the rest of them, but brown. 

"You could've told me how you felt about me" The demon trailed off, voice cracking, slouching. Sulking. 

Brooding. 

"What-?" She stopped, staring at him. Cordy was merely a few inches away from him now, and she got a good look at him. Definitely looked an escapee from the jurassic- or whatever- period. 

But those eyes were _so_ familiar. 

Tentatively, she raised a hand to the demon's face, brushing its cheek with her hand. Cordelia looked into his eyes, and at that moment, she knew. She could just - feel it. Some innate thing, psychic or whatever it was, but it was unmistakable. 

"Angel?" 

"Surprise." 

* * *

"Hard to kill. Some believe they're descendants from the original dinosaurs, perhaps a mixed demon and reptile breed." 

"Shh. This ain't the time for no history lesson," Gunn whispered harshly, peering from his spot in the alley. The three were hiding out in the alley, watching a group of the demons who were standing outside the warehouse, talking. 

Wesley had another one of those hurt looks. "Well, I'm merely trying to pass on the information that I know of this particular demons. If you don't want to know how to kill them, then go ahead and wait until they suck out your viscera!" he huffed. 

Gunn looked over at Fred. "What the heck is viscera?" 

"Um I think it's your insides," she supplied, perky. 

"Wonderful." 

"Beheading, fire, mercuryA cursed sword Basic ways to kill them," Wesley continued. 

"We don't have any of those things. Except for beheading" Fred trailed off, giving a hopeless look at her small stake. 

"Hey. Look over there." Gunn nodded towards the gas station across the street. Most importantly, he pointed to the sign reading the gas prices. "You think they're open at this time of night?" 

* * *

"It's really you?" 

He nodded. "It's me." 

"Oh." 

Silence. 

Then she smacked him. 

"Oww! What was that for?" 

"You could've told me it was you! Here I am, pouring my heart out, wishing for you to come save me, wondering if they - if they dusted you and there you are! You scared me half to death, you You dork!" 

Angel looked uncomfortable again. "I'm..sorry." 

Even when he wasn't exactly looking like- well, Angel- he still had one powerful weapon: that puppy dog look. _Not again!_

"Oh What am I doing? You came to save me. You remembered me." Cordy practically leaped forward and hugged him, eyes shut. The absence of his cool, and soft touch, of his aftershave, even the way he felt that didn't matter. He was still Angel. 

_And he's mine._

Angel stared in disbelief. After all these long weeks, months even, of keeping those feelings to himself Feelings which should've been strictly platonic, but became something more Now here she was. Hugging him, right after admitting she felt the same way, and what happened? He wasn't even his normal self. 

Sometimes it sucked to be a super hero. 

Even though he just could've easily gone back to normal, Angel decided to maintain this appearance for a while, since the disguise could be handy in trying to 'blend in', and infiltrate the place. 

_And seriously murder that bastard who hurt **my **Cordelia._

"I'll never forget you," he murmured. "Never." 

"I waited for youAnd here you are.." She sniffed. He gently pushed her away, getting a confused look from his seer. 

"Later." Before she could protest, he nodded towards himself. "You know. When I'm" 

"How did you..?" She pointed at him. 

"Just call me Bond. Angel Bond." _She's staringnot a good thing. _"I needed a disguise to get in. And look at the nifty bauble a turncoat gave me." Angel pointed to the bracelet hanging around his right wrist. "It lets you change into whatever you want and back to normal, as long as you're wearing it." 

"So that's probably what they used to - fake everything." Cordy's brow furrowed. "Angel It wasn't-" 

"I know. I figured it out. Right now" He looked left and right, then back to her. "Let's just try to find the leader." 

"Don't you think we should try to - get out of here instead?" 

Angel's eyes narrowed. "I'm not running from them. Not after what they did to you." 

"Angel, you can't. There's like two hundred of 'em. It's suicide." 

"I don't care. I'm not letting them get away with-" 

Cordy touched his face again, making him flinch. "If you go rush in, General Custard, you might as well kiss that 'later' goodbye. I'm not going to let you die without seeing _you_ one last time." 

"Cordelia" 

There it was. The patented no nonsense, 'argue-with-me-and-you-won't-live-to-tell-about-it' Cordelia 'Queen C' Chase, look. And if looks could kill 

"Fine," He sighed. "Let's get out of here." 

"My hero," Cordy said, smiling appreciatively at him. Again, Angel felt weird, but he just grabbed her elbow, pulling her close to him while they walked back up the corridor, up from underground. 

* * *

"Angel..! Could you cut that out!" 

"What?" 

"It's - It's your uh tail. It keeps making me trip." 

"I really need to go on a vacation." 

"You and me both." Angel stepped aside while Cordy moved in front of him. "Almost being killed, getting tortured, guys turning into ..thingsThanks for hiring me," she drawled. 

"No problem." 

"Now when we get back, I have to ask Wesley about compensation 'cause y'know, there's no insuran-" 

"Shh! I hear someone coming. Follow my lead." 

Without even managing a blink of an eye, Cordy's hand was grabbed roughly by Angel, who proceeded to run down an adjacent passage. 

"_That's_ your great plan?! Did you happen to bring a map with you?!" Cordy whispered harshly, jostled by Angel's quick running. 

"Next time it's a life or death situation, you be the planner!" Angel growled. 

"I think that bracelet is affecting your judgment," she snapped. 

"You there!" 

Angel turned around, still holding Cordy close to him. The saw a few Kaligars behind them, but the exact number was hard to tell due to the dim light. And because the senses of this body were different than his normal vampire senses. 

"Stop! The sacrifice must be delivered!" 

"Sacrifice my ass!" Cordy stuck her tongue out. "Let me at them!" 

Angel held her back. "Some other time, Cordy!" 

He looked around frantically, then pulled her into another passage. The whole underground complex no longer seemed passable. It was a maze. Unfortunately, Angel lost his way. He couldn't smell the outside alley, where he and Cordelia should be. Safe and secure. She would be in his arms, and he would comfort her, telling her that he'd never leave her, that he'd protect her. 

Instead of being chased by some nasty demons and being one himself. 

"Come on Cordelia." Angel turned around, noticed the absence of her hand against his own. "Cordelia?!" 

"Traitor!" 

Angel turned around, seeing a flash of something ugly, then the flat of a short sword, before everything went black. 

* * *

"Sometimes I wonder why we made you the leader. 'Cause it could've been - 'Gunn Investigations'. You know, something cool like that," Gunn muttered, lugging along four gallons of gasoline. His arms arched from the weight, but the sooner they finished this, the better. 

"Naturally, I fit the leadership role just fine," Wesley preened. Then he started going on about his job as a Watcher, and how he helped Angel figure out lots of cases - even solve them himself. 

Gunn figured Wesley might've been lying about a few things. Sure, he and Fred were new, so they couldn't know. But, he doubted Wesley saved Angel and Cordy from a twenty foot tall demon, then graciously accepted Angel and Cordelia's many apologies and groveling afterwards. 

"Yes, that was the day. Ah, I've been such a worthwhile asset to this group" 

"I think that helmet was too tight on his headCut off the flow of oxygen to the brain." Fred whispered to Gunn, lugging along three gasoline containers. 

"I hear ya." 

"You two! Quiet! They'll know we're coming." 

Gunn and Fred looked at each other, then back to Wesley. They were right outside the warehouse, and the entrance had been boarded up, but someone had recently smashed through it. 

"Really With all that talking, they're bound to know about us," Wesley sighed, wincing from his own load of four gasoline containers. With Gunn and Fred muttering under their breaths behind him, Wesley went into the building. He stopped once inside, putting the containers on the floor. Hearing something faint, Wesley fished his flashlight out of his pocket, letting its light flicker in the darkness. 

"That's a good one. 'Don't talk, or they'll figure us out. However, if I use my flashlight, waving it around they can't possibly tell it's us!" Gunn snapped, doing his own version of Wesley's accent. 

"Quiet." Wesley shined the flashlight around, looking at the desolate warehouse. Up front, there was the office area where people would make requests for moving, and behind the back door was probably the loading area, for trucks and so on. Wesley didn't really know about these sorts of things, so he only took a wild guess. 

"Look! Over there!" Fred pointed to the back wall, and the crude metal cage constructed there. She and Gunn walked over to it, Wesley a bit behind, but carrying his own load of gasoline. 

The cage went from the floor to the ceiling, which was about twelve feet up. Looking like it belonged in a old fashioned jail, it stood out in the room. Besides that, the thing locked up inside stood out even more. 

"Is that That's one of those.. Kali-whatevers," Fred whispered, fingers brushing gently against the bars. "I think it's asleep." 

"Nobody go and wake that thing up, all right? I don't want it getting' loose," Gunn said, keeping a safe distance. 

"Maybe we can get some information from it. As to where Cordelia is, and even Angel's whereabouts," Wesley suggested. Gunn nodded, while Fred kept staring at the Kaligar lying on the floor. 

"Or we could just kill the thing," Gunn replied. 

"That, too," Fred said. 

* * *

"Mmm" Angel's eyes fluttered open. What's..? He blinked a few times, noticing his vision was blurry from that blow to the head. _First things first._ "Cordelia?" 

_They took her away from me. Again._

"Cordelia!" Angel choked out, before his head lifted to peer at the three blurry faces above him. 

"He's awake. What're we gonna do?" 

"I say we kill him." 

"Don't you suppose that track of thinking will lead us nowhere?" 

Angel painfully managed to stand up, shaking his head. _Must've been a harder hit than I thought._

"If he gets out, he's gonna go tell all his siblings about the new dinner in town. And that's us." 

Angel raised a hand to his head, wondering why everything was still blurry. _They must've drugged meOr, I'm just using that as an excuse for their kicking of my ass._ He looked at his hand, noticing he was still in demon form. 

The bracelet was gone. 

"NoNo.. Cordelia Cordelia!" Angel roared, slamming his hands against the bars. He leaned on them for support for a moment, when his vision cleared. Gunn, Wesley, and Fred were staring at him. 

"I have toget out. I have to get to CordeliaYou guys Let me out." 

"We're the ones giving orders here," Wesley replied, a strict tone. He leveled his sword, ready to use it if necessary. 

"I don't have time for this." 

"We don't have time for demons who waste our time," Gunn said, then made a face. "You know what I mean!" 

Angel slammed against the bars once more, watched them vibrate, oblivious to his actions. "I can explain everything. Just let me out, all right?" 

"Save who?" There was an edge to Wesley's voice. 

"It's Cordy. She's - I need to see her." 

"And let her die? I think not." Wesley nodded to Gunn. "Kill him." 

Gunn lifted his axe, bringing it down. 

And in that split second, two words came to Angel's mind. 

_How ironic._


	7. The Rescue

without spirit or cause 

Part 7 

* * *

  
_Cordy: "This is Angel. Oh, no. I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday."_

* 

_Three Weeks Ago_

"Angel. Can you Let me in?" 

Nothing. 

Cordelia rolled her eyes. _Figures Mr. Tortured Vampy has to do that whole 'I'm not here, I'm in La La Depressed Land, don't bother me thing'._ Her fingers brushed the doorknob. Giving a shrug, Cordelia tried the knob, and thankfully, the door opened. 

"Angel. Where are you?" Cordelia peered into the darkness of his room, the only light coming from the opened window. Curtains flapping lazily in the cool night breeze, they moved aside ever so slightly, light falling upon a black pant leg for a mere second, then gone. 

"Didn't you know that reading in the dark can seriously mess up your eyes?" 

"Cordelia." 

His voice startled her a bit, but by now, she was getting used to his sudden actions or words. Cordy walked over to the chair he was sitting in, just near the window. 

"Yum. O Pos. Come on. I'm not having you waste away, all right? Besides, I'm not in the mood to have you bite me when you're starving," She murmured, hand shooting out rather jerkily, a mug filled with blood for him. 

"Thanks, Corde-" 

"Cordy. Stop being forgetful. What's the new reason for brooding? I mean, what's - on your mind?" 

Angel accepted the mug, putting it down on the floor to his left. He then picked up his book, starting to read again. 

"Nuh uh. Don't even try." She pulled the book from his hands, glanced at the cover. "Resurrections" She trailed off. "Angel, you can't-" 

"I'm not going to. I just felt like reading that book. A feeling," Angel replied, slumping in his chair. Cordy was referring to Buffy's death, no doubt. 

"Sure. 'A feeling'." 

"No. She - she sacrificed herself for her sister and friends For all of us. I'm not going to go change that. What's done is done." He looked at his hands, then slumped forward, elbows resting on his knees. "I.. I can't keep thinking about it." 

Cordy looked at him, surprised. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, then knelt down, hands resting on his knees. "I know, Angel. I just I wish you could stop hurting." 

"Corde- Cordy. Can I get a favor?" Angel asked, looking up at her, a faint smile. 

"What is it?" 

"Don't leave. I just..I couldn't handle it if someone else left me," He trailed off, looking down. "If I lost youI don't know what I'd do with myself. I'd be lost. Or worse offdead. You're my best friend. I don't want to lose another one, like Doyle That's part of the feeling. The calm before the storm. " 

Cordy smiled, blinking her eyes shut to keep the tears inside. "I won't leave you, Angel. I'll be here for you." 

Angel looked up again, brushed her cheek with his hand. In a low voice, he said, "Why are you crying?" 

"Nothing. I'll never leave." Cordy whispered, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. She leaned her head against Angel's knee, watching her tears stain his black pants. She kept crying silently, but not of sadness, but joy. Because Angel wouldn't leave her. Not to die. Not for anyone to come kill her. 

Angel was her best friend... 

Her _friend._

He couldn't let anything happen to her. 

Cordy was faintly aware of Angel stroking her hair, holding her shoulders. He rocked back and forth, murmuring, "It's going to be all right, Cordy. Let's just stick together." 

_Forever_, Angel added silently, but dared not say a word. 

* * *

_Angel: "I just got her back..."_

* 

_The Present_

Angel leaped backwards, falling rather clumsily to the ground. He had felt the axe blade tear through the air, nearly millimeters from lodging itself into his skull. Looking up, Angel's eyes were wide. 

"Don't!" 

"Works every time." Gunn hefted the axe onto his shoulder, raising an eyebrow at Angel. "Threaten 'em a little, and they sing like a canary." 

"We were waiting?" Wesley folded his arms across his chest. "My friend here doesn't have patience for the Kaligar race. I don't either." 

Fred stood off to the side, looking at the three of them. 

Angel almost laughed. If the situation wasn't so bleak and weird, he would've. But now was clearly not the time. 

"Look. I don't really have time to explain this, but you guys have to trust me-" 

"Why should we?" 

Angel rolled his eyes. "I'm Angel, all right?" 

The three stood quiet for a moment. 

"How should I believe you? Angel would never-" 

"Okay, Wes. You used to be Buffy's Watcher in Sunnydale. You had this weird crush on Cordelia, which I guess faded since she wasn't all that into kissing you back when she first got her visions. You uh - You got shot a few months ago, but before that - way before - remember my car got stolen, and I had to wear that stupid ladies helmet when we went on your motorcycle? And you've had sex with a bleached blonde before" Angel stopped. "Do you want me to go on?" 

"Well, I uh-" Wesley faltered. "I see your point." 

"Good work, Wes. Real smooth," Gunn quipped. 

"Hi, Angel. What happened to ya?" Fred finally spoke, tapping her fingernails on the bars. 

"Let's work on getting me out of this cage first, all right? They knocked me out, took Cordy away, and threw me in here." Angel took a step back while Gunn broke the lock with his axe. 

"I needed a disguise. One of the Kaligars - A sort of good one- gave me a bracelet that could let me change I guess they must've taken that bracelet when I was knocked out," Angel finished, stepping out of the cage. He noticing the weird looks given in his direction, and that feeling of being uncomfortable came again. 

"We find the bracelet, you get normal," Fred pointed out. 

"And we get Cordy. I saw her. She's alive." 

"Angel I'm... I'm sorry I doubted you." Wesley started put a hand on Angel's shoulder, but just made Angel flinch instead. 

"It's all right. We have to find Cordelia," he reminded them. He glanced to the gasoline containers they were carrying, realizing their idea. And he knew how to expand it. "Come on. I have a plan." 

With that, Angel moved to the back door, faintly aware of the sudden leadership role he had taken, the role he was used to play. Wes, Gunn, and Fred tagged along behind, carrying the gasoline, but clueless as to what Angel was exactly planning. 

"Angel.. Can you It's the-" 

"Tail, tail..." 

* * *

Cordelia flailed, then hit the ground roughly, head smacking the concrete. She looked up at the demons who captured her again, dragging her to the so called throne room. The room looked like a remodeled gym, it's height over thirty feet, and length and width twice that. Higher up, a catwalk ran along the walls, partially obscured in the shadows above. 

In the center of the room, there seemed to be an altar, constructed from wood and metal. On the altar stood the same demon who initiated her 'death', the leader. 

"Is she ready yet? The sacrifice must commence," it said, pointing at her. 

"What's up with all the sacrifice around here? Don't you guys ever get tired of it?" Cordy asked, getting no replies. "Figures. Big zero on the humor scale." 

_Now, where did they take Angel?_

She stood up, under watch of the nearby guards. Cordelia brushed herself off, then stopped, raising a hand to her head. _Not now_

Flash! A sudden rush of images pumped into Cordy's brain, along with a shock of pain and agony that slammed into her mind, making her collapse from the vision. Blearily sitting up, she watching the images flash before her eyes, telling her of what was to come. 

Another flash. Angel was there- Normal Angel, on the altar They were holding him back, and even though he struggled, he couldn't break free. Then, Cordy saw one demon get ready to lodge a shaft of wood into his heart. 

"Angel!" Cordelia raised her hands up to cover her eyes. _No! When am I going to wake up from this nightmare?_

"Bring him in. I want her to see this." 

Cordelia removed her hands away from her eyes. She watched as they dragged a struggling and kicking Angel into the room. The normal one, not the one who looked like a demon, but still had those lovely eyes. 

"Hey! What's the deal! Come on and let me go already! You know, when we planned this, it wasn't supposed to happen this way- Watch the hair!" 

"Angel..! You can't! Oh GodAngel! Watch out! They're gonna" Cordy felt a guard behind her give a rough shove to her back. 

"C-Cordelia? That's y- Get the HELL off!" Angel shoved the guards away from him, but they just grabbed him harder. 

Meanwhile, Wesley, Gunn, and Fred were crouched above on the catwalk, looking down at the scene before them. 

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Fred whispered, looking over at Wesley. 

"It has to. Otherwise, this will be the shortest payback of all time. We have to find that bracelet, or another one like it," Wesley muttered, crawling to his right. He looked down at the various Kaligars lined up, noticing more and more coming into the room, filling it. So far, there was over fifty of them, and counting. 

"Down there! Right below us." Gunn pointed at a guard demon standing below the catwalk, near a couple of dusty crates. The demon wore a couple of bracelets around it's wrists, a rigid stance which belonged to someone in the military. 

"But how can we-" Fred stared as a tail lashed out from the shadows, giving a hard blow to the back of the demon's head. The guard crumpled, it's body dragged into the shadows. 

"There's one problem solved. Now it's our turn." Wesley nodded to the other two, and they began dragging their containers of gasoline along with them, the next step in the plan. 

* * *

"You can't.Let me go We're all friends here" 

"Angel Please Don't hurtTake me.." 

The voices were faint, and far from his place in the back of the large room, which once upon a time was home to the various moving trucks of the company. He watched them bring the yelling vampire up on the altar, watched the young girl scream and struggle against those who held her back. 

Watched them raise the piece of wood over the vampire's chest. 

He could hear her scream though. Loud and clear, piercing and heartbreaking. 

He slipped the bracelet on, the weird and sharp tingling feeling washing over him, so much similar to his other transformation. Yet this was different, and better. 

"Now!" He shouted, also loud and clear. 

* * *

Wesley uncapped the gasoline, shaking the liquid out onto the ground below, onto the congregation of Kaligar demons. Fred and Gunn followed his lead, and soon the containers of gasoline were empty, all the liquid poured out, falling like rain. 

Gunn fished out a match from his pocket, lighting it. He threw it below, smiling in satisfaction as one demon convulsed, body covered in flames. The flames licked out, burning everything in contact, and it wasn't long before the flames grew, jumping from burning demon body to another demon. Soon, almost half of the hundred demons there were on fire. 

"Coo'," Gunn whispered in awe. _Pretty flammable demons. Comes in handy._

Of course, the fire reached out towards the walls, the dusty crates and boxes of the room, leaving blackened soot and crumpled wooden splinters in their wake. 

"About time," Angel shouted, slamming his fists into the guards holding him. "You humans are so slow." 

He leaped off the altar, running over to Cordelia. She punched the guard right next to her in the face, smiling in satisfaction. "That's for shoving me!" 

Cordelia turned to Angel, staring in surprise when just a second ago, he was.. well, Angel, and now, just a demon cracking the skull of another one with his fist. 

_Why is this happening to me? Why did I even bother taking this job?_

_Because it was meant to be,_ a voice reminded her inside. Cordy didn't know whether it was her conscience, or just too much bad Chinese food, because at the moment, the place was on fire. 

"Cordelia?!" 

"Eww!" Cordy jumped to the side while a burning Kaligar demon fell right near her, flesh crackled and blackened. She looked upwards for the sound of the voice, eyes darting about. It was hard to lock onto the source, due to all the screaming and shouts of pain around her. 

"See? I knew she was alive!" Wesley shouted, poking Gunn's shoulder. 

"Riiight. Hey girl! Let's skip the hellos, and get out of here before we get crispy!" Gunn yelled to Cordelia, after giving a 'You are such a dolt' look to Wesley. 

"OhYou guys! Where is Angel- Ahh!" Cordy yelped, getting shoved from the side. She fell on her back, painfully hitting a shard of metal behind her. Far away, Fred shouted "Hi!" 

Cordy shook her head, looking up to the catwalk. Gunn, Wesley, and Fred were already making their way downstairs, and to the outside. 

Meanwhile, the rafters had caught on fire, occasionally sending chunks of wood and concrete showering down. However, that wasn't important. Sure, the place would surely burn down by daybreak, but right now 

There he was. Angel, standing over her, wrestling a singed demon. Face contorted by the demon within, Angel roared, snapping the demon's neck with a twist. He shoved the limp body into another demon, growling while they fell to the floor. 

"Angel?! Is that, really you? Or uhclone you? Why can't I get two Angels at another time and place?!" Cordy shouted, getting up. 

"It's - me!" Angel somewhat gleefully cracked two demons heads against each other like something from the Three Stooges. 

"Over there! That's the main evil - guy. Demon. Whatever," She pointed, her other hand gingerly touching the cut on her back. 

Angel looked to her, then in the direction she was pointing. Sure enough, the leader demon still stood on that pedestal, barking orders. Which absolutely made no sense, since most of the other demons were already busy with the whole screaming in pain, getting burned alive thing. 

"Almost missed the fun, didn't I?" The same demon Cordy saw on the platform moved to Angel, holding a sword. He held a wound on his side, dark black blood seeping between his fingers. 

"Think I can borrow that?" Angel asked, not waiting for an answer. He grabbed the sword, turning to the direction of the lead demon. Walking to the leader, he said over his shoulder, "I have some business to attend to." 

"Angel. Let's go!" Cordy started to walk after him. The bleeding demon stopped her, grabbing her arm with its free hand. 

"Some other time, doll! This place is going down!" 

"But I-" 

"Come on!" The demon dragged Cordy along with it, to the outside of the warehouse, just as something exploded behind them. 

* * *

"Cordy!" 

Cordy pushed away from the demon, staring at the burning warehouse. The busted door was already turned to cinders, and high above, flames poked out through some of the dusty and shattered windows. The fire reached high into the sky, the upcoming sunrise mingling with the orange glow of the burning building. In the distance, she heard sirens. 

Before she knew what hit her, Gunn ran to her, hugging her tightly. 

"You're alive!" 

"Move over!" Wesley's voice. 

Gunn pulled away, then Wesley took his place, practically squeezing the life out of her. 

"We thought you were dead!" Wesley said, continuing with the life squeezing. 

"Need - to breathe!" Cordy gasped, pushing Wesley away. 

"Cordelia!" 

"Fred!" 

Fred hugged Cordy, a smile on her bright face. "I'm happy you're okayYou are okay, right?" 

_Like a little sister_, Cordelia thought. She nodded, then her brow furrowed. "Where'sDidn't Angel come out by now?" 

"I think he's still in there," the demon who dragged Cordy out spoke up. "Can I go now? I did my share of the bargain. And lemme tell you, being a vampire is no fun whatsoever." 

"You...can go. I don't want to catch you around here ever again. Including this city. We'll be watching you," Wesley pointed out, his eyes on the burning building. 

"Yeah, yeah. If the poor bastard makes it out, tell him Derox said g'bye," the demon mumbled. Then it scampered off, limping a little. 

"He should've come out by now," Gunn said. The remaining four stood outside the building, looking up. Watching. Waiting. 

Hoping. 

"He can't do this to me now. We made a promise God, we made a promise" Cordelia chewed her lip, hoping it would help her from crying. It didn't. 

Gunn put an arm around her shoulder. "I bet he's fine." 

"YeahHe has t'be," Fred added. She stood near Wesley, who placed a hand on her shoulder. 

_A eye for an eye. A life for a life? Was this the big plan? Did the Powers That Be send me to Angelbut knew that in the end, he wouldn't shanshu? That he'd die, and I'dwhat? Take his place? I'm not a leader. Only if my reign as the Queen of Sunnydale counted._

_Still getting those visions. For who? Wesley? Gunn? They were meant for Angel. And if he'snot around to take them_

_I couldn't stand to see the hurt look on your face when Buffy died. I made a promise, Angel. We made a promise that we wouldn't leave each other. Did you know that I meant it in a different way?_

_Did you know that I figured out what was wrong with me, and you? That we weren't together?_

_Before you died, did you know that I loved you?_


	8. The Aftermath

without spirit or cause 

Part 8 

* * *

***CRASH!***

A rain of falling shards of glass and wood clattered to the ground, a decapitated dead body - _demon_ body - fell to the ground from the second story window. Flames consuming the brick and concrete around the window, the wooden window frame crumpled from the heat. 

Angel leaped from the second story window rather calmly, trenchcoat flapping behind him. He was kneeling from the fall, head down. Letting the blood covered sword in his hand clatter to the ground, he looked up at the surprised faces staring at him. 

"There goes one dead psycho clan leader." 

Four heads snapped; four pairs of eyes stared. 

Then, four voices all at once said the same word. 

"_Angel?_" 

He looked annoyed. "I think I need to get a new coat. Popped a seam." 

One by one, his friends looked at him, surprise, pride, appreciation, and near heartbreak. 

Angel stood up, rushing towards Cordelia. "Are you okay?" he asked, not bothering to care about the claw marks on his shoulders, or the fact that he was nearly impaled by a piece of wood. Meanwhile, the three remaining members of the Fang Gang walked a few yards away, giving Angel and Cordy some privacy. 

Cordelia stared at him. _He's..Asking me if I'm okay? When he's practically falling apart? _He kept looking at her, concern in his eyes. Still in vamp face, since his anger hadn't cooled down yet. 

"I think that 'later' should be right about now," she said. 

Angel drew in an unnecessary breath. He touched his fingers to the small cuts on her cheek and forehead. His face showed real worry. "Are you okay?" 

Cordelia felt like crying just then. She'd forgotten about everything that happened for a moment, only thinking about him. Now she remembered, and she felt oddly ashamed of it and all of the worrying and pain she represented in Angel's life and quest for salvation. "I'm sorry," she said randomly, her eyes filling with tears. 

"No," Angel whispered. "It's not your fault." 

Angel thought he was past the emotion. He thought he was over that feeling of hollowness, - of some part of his soul, gone forever- imagining Cordelia gone. But there she was. 

Cordy felt the emotions inside her, warm and full, blissful and painful at the same time. Her chest was bursting, and her head was spinning. She couldn't hold them any longer. 

He wasn't just past emotion, he was exploding with emotion. 

Cordy jumped into his arms and Angel wrapped her up tight. Before he knew it, he put his lips, gentle and cold, to the cut on her forehead, ignoring the writhing of the demon inside him, the scent of blood so close, but never received. 

_PleasePlease_, she begged silently. Wishing for it. 

It came true. His lips found her mouth, and the gentleness gave way to intensity. The kiss she waited for so long. Not just a little peck on the cheek or forehead, it was _the _kiss. A real one. He kept kissing her, and she was kissing him back hungrily, pressing against him with longing. 

Angel was well aware of her small body against him, even her tongue slipping into his mouth, brushing his fangs. He felt the need to just obey her needs, to never let go of her, to cry, to just feel her. Cordy didn't even care he was still vamped. 

And right there, he knew he loved her. It wasn't fleeting, and there was nothing schoolyard about it. 

God, he loved her. 

* * *

_The Next Day_

"I'm well aware of thatCould you put Giles on the phone already?" 

Fred leaned on the counter, looking at Wesley. She turned to Gunn who was sitting on the edge of Wesley's desk, slouching. 

"Who's he talking to?" Fred asked. 

"Dunno. Probably one of those Scooby Gang people back in little Sunnydale on the hellmouth." 

"Stop being such a wanker and speak, damn it! What're you trying to say?" The voice shouted, loud enough so even Fred and Gunn could hear it. 

"Spike, I've had enough of this. Now if you don't want to cooperate-" 

"-What're you going to do? Bloody whine at me to death?" 

"Now see here!" 

"I won't tell Giiillleeess" Spike said happily in a sing-song voice. 

"Cordelia's alive. I just wanted to inform Giles and her - friends. But if you won't listen to reason, then I'll simply-" 

"Look at you. All mouth and no trousers. If the girl's fine, I'll tell Giles when he gets back. At least there'll be something to celebrate. Right now, I'll use any excuse for a good ale," Spike murmured, trailing off. Wesley didn't exactly know how shaken up Spike had been from Buffy's death, so he ignored the comment. 

"Fine." 

"And tell the poofter to go have some fun with his lady while she's still of the living. Look at me. I'm a bloody poet. And damn soberWhere did I put that bottle?" 

Wesley rolled his eyes. "Tell Giles," he repeated, then hung up the phone. "Sometimes, I don't know why I even bother." 

"Cordy's alive. That's all good," Gunn said, basically summing up the situation. 

"OhAnd did you guys see that kiss" Fred smiled dreamily, hugging herself. "He really likes her a lot." 

"At least he's happy now. They're both happy." 

"I have to apologize to Angel. I should've trusted him." Wesley looked to the stairs, taking a step forward. Gunn put a hand on his shoulder. 

"Not now. We gotta leave them alone for a while, all right?" 

"Yes. You're right." 

* * *

"CordeliaYou don't have to- Watch where you put those hands!" 

"Shut up. I'm doing this whether you want me to or not." 

"But you're moving a little fast there. Hardto keep up." 

"Just relax. Haven't you done this before?" 

"It's been awhile butnot at this speed." 

Cordelia frowned. She sat behind Angel on his bed, her fingers touching the cold flesh of his back. His shoulder was already freshly bandaged, and there was a ace bandage around his midsection, covering the gut wound he got as a souvenir from his fight with that that jerk that caused all of this..trouble. 

Angel needed to loosen up. He was already tense. So she decided to give him a massage. A nice, long, and fast massage. Good for himand for her. 

"Ugh. Sometimes, you are such a dork." 

"But a good looking dork, right?" Angel asked, leering at her. 

"OhStop getting so full of yourself." She shook her head, glad that Angel's vampire senses couldn't detect the small grin appearing on her face. _The heartbeat thing thoughThat's a problem._ "So tell me more about that vision thingy of yours. Did you get the whole cracking of skull feeling?" 

"No. Actually, it was more like a hallucination" 

"You were taking drugs?" 

Angel shook his head. "Of course not. Anyway, you were in it." 

"Yeah I know. You told me that. What did I say? What did I wear?" Before Angel could open his mouth, she added, "Oh God. Was I naked? Please tell me I wasn't naked." 

"You weren't naked." 

"Good. Thanks for not imagining me like that. Or you know, covered in blood." 

"WellNow that you mention it" 

"Angel!" 

"Just kidding, Cordy. You just told me that I should investigate this, and that you weren't wearing the same clothes, so I figured out it was an impostor." 

"Oh, really?" Cordy's hands moved upwards, fingers brushing against the back of his neck. 

"Yeah. But" Angel cleared his throat. "I had to uh - I had to sing. To get more info." He mentioned this with a sense of pride. Now she can see what I had to go through for her. 

"You sang?! Ugh. Not fair. I would've paid to see that." Off Angel's look when he turned to her for a second, she continued, "What did you sing?" 

Angel mumbled something incoherently. 

"Tell me!" Cordy gave his bandage a poke. 

"Hey! All right I had to sing .._'If Living Is Without You'_" He admitted. 

"Oh." Cordy nodded, then after a beat, she raised an eyebrow. "Never heard of it." 

"You - what?" Angel looked incredulous. "It's a classic." 

"So says the vamp who considers the record player to be cutting edge," Cordy quipped flawlessly. 

"Got me there. I thought you knew about - music? Those kinds of things." 

"Enlighten me. Care to sing, oh all knowing drokken killer?" Cordy smirked, her hands tenderly kneading the flesh of his lower back. 

"I don't know" 

"Please? For wittle old Cordy?" She gave him a bat of those eyelashes. 

He cleared his throat again. "I can't live-" 

"From the beginning." 

"Did you hear this song before?" Angel eyed her suspiciously. 

"I choose not to answer that question. From the beginning!" Cordy grinned playfully. 

Angel sighed to himself, then relented. 

"No, I can't forget this evening. Or your face as you were leaving. But I guess that's just the way the story goes. You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows. Yes, it shows." He turned around, her face over his shoulder, close to his. There it was. Angel was smiling. " No, I can't forget tomorrow. When I think of all my sorrow. When I had you there but then I let you go. And now it's only fair that I should let you know. What you should know" 

He leaned back a bit, kissing her softly on the mouth. "I can't live, if living is without you. I can't give, I can't give anymoreI can't live, if living is without you. I can't giveI can't give anymoorrrrrreeee!" He growled, turning around. Angel pulled Cordy into his lap, laughed as she squealed. 

"I can see you giving these hot shot singers a run for their money. Pretty soon you'll be the dead version of Ricky Martin," Cordy drawled. 

"Whatever you want." Angel roughly kissed her against the mouth, listening to her muffled sound of surprise. "I thought I lost you," he added seriously. 

"A promise is a promise." 

"That's right. And I'll never let you go ever again. I shouldn't have let you come along-" 

Cordy put a finger to his lips. "Don't. You didn't know what was going to happen. We both didn't know. All that matters is that we're here now, right?" 

"Yeah, but" 

"Angel, please. I can't" Cordelia sighed heavily, leaning her head against his shoulder. He hugged her close, listening to her breathe. Such a wonderful, precious thing, even more so when coming from her. Because it meant she was alive. 

"When I - When I was captured and when you were fighting that evil leader guy, I kept thinking. About you. About us. I don't know if I can be around you. Because you always have to save me, and you have other stuff to worry about. Other people." 

"Cordelia, that's not true. Sure, I got nearly impaled, decapitated, almost stuck as something elseBut I did all those things because I-" 

"You what?" 

"I love you." 

"You do?" She asked in a small voice. 

"Yes. I'm just an idiot for not realizing it sooner." 

"OhGod, Angel, you know how long I waited for you to say that? I love you, too" She repeated. "...I'm not sure if this can work, though" 

"We can try. You should've let me know more quickly," he said, echoing his thoughts from their conversation underneath the warehouse. 

"Hey. Don't blame me. If it wasn't for you and your little infatuation- Your weakness with blondes, then I might've said something earlier." 

Angel looked at those pouting lips. "You know You're cute when you do that." 

"As if I'm not cute all the time? Oh, please!" Cordy gave his shoulder a poke, but there was a hint of hurt in her tone, mixed with playfulness. 

"You know what I mean" Angel's voice faded. _It's odd, when you think about it. A year ago, I would've jumped at the opportunity of being with Buffy again. I even gave up my humanity for her. Cordy liked Doyle, but she was too proud to admit it. And then, he died, leading us to get closer._

_At that time, I never thought I would fall in love with her._

_But it was inevitable, wasn't it? Destined. I don't even want to use those terms though, since in some ways, I was destined to find Buffy._

_Destined to leave her, and come to LA. It wasn't pure coincidence that I saw Cordelia again at that part that one night. Maybe in some faint way, the Powers That Be didn't mean for me to help ..Tina. She was just a pawn in the grand scheme of things._

_Was I meant to locate Tina, to go with her to that party to find my real purpose? That I was supposed to help Cordelia?_

_Was I meant to fall in love with her?_

"Earth to Angel? You alive? Uhworking properly?" Cordelia looked at him with concern. She twirled a strand of his spiked brown hair. "Are you all right?" 

"I'm more than all right. I'm with you, aren't I?" Angel lifted his chin, planting a soft and slow kiss on her waiting mouth. "And I'm working fine," he growled. 

Cordelia pulled away from him, lying back on his bed. He turned to look at her, appreciating her small form. She was wearing one of his dark silk shirts, the sleeves rolled up. And a little pair of black underwear. These was a colorful bandage on her forehead, bright blue, a contrast to her mildly dark outfit. 

Somewhat of an outfitBecause, see, there's all that skin 

Angel shook his said, chuckled softly. "What do we do now?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Obviously, you're still resting up from that hell hole, so I think I'm going to go make you some tea." 

Cordy sat up slightly, resting on her elbows. "What?! But Angel-" 

Angel shook his head. "No 'buts'. You're still weak, Cordelia. I'm not going to take advantage of you." 

"Ohreally?" 

"Yeah." 

"Pfft." She lashed out a foot at his bandaged shoulder, watching him wince in pain and fall back, lying on the bed next to her. "And I'm the one who's weak?" 

"Point taken. I- I did that on purpose," He replied, nodding enthusiastically. 

"Sure, you did." She sat up, swinging her legs about so she straddled his chest. "Don't even start. You're weak too." 

"Yeah, but I'm a vampire." 

"So?" 

"I can heal quickly, Cordelia." 

"Until then, I'm restricting you to this bed. Seer's orders," She instructed, using her serious voice, though far from it. Cordy poked Angel, trailing her finger along his chest, past his shoulders and up to his neck. 

"I think I'm a little too old to be taking Doctor's orders," Angel pointed out. 

"Seer's orders. They're different. Plus, you're only 248. Kinda young." 

"Two forty seven!" 

"Well, excuse me!" After slipping her fingers through his hair, she leaned down, planting a kiss on his mouth. "I swear you're like one of those airhead actresses trying to cover up their age." 

Angel looked pleased. "Less talking. More action. Kiss me again." 

"Guess even seers have to take orders sometime." Her eyes held with his for a moment, then lips soon followed. Cordelia melted into the kiss, and all the harboring feelings of guilt, and pain, and anguish diminished. They would still be there, but she and Angel could work at that. 

Besides. One moment of true happiness, right? Well, in the meantime, they could get pretty darn happy without breaking that clause. 

Cordelia would make sure of that. 

  
END 


End file.
